Trying to Make Sense of it All

This past week, the biggest desire of my heart came true…I went to South Dakota and had the honor of living with the Lakota tribe. I was only there for one week, but it was enough time for the Lord to stretch me, humble me, and begin yet another process of transforming me. 

I am not even sure, how to process and write into words, all that took place in a such a short period of time. I can however tell you how I’ve walked away feeling.

I feel……

• Broken for the family that I met, that just lost their daughter to suicide, and now have to take care of her 6 children who are hurting. 
• Broken for the little boys and girls, that live and thrive in the dorms during the school week, but don’t have a safe place to rest their heads during the weekend. 
• Broken for the man who lost his 17-year old son to murder, and an infant who is left behind never knowing who his father was.
• Broken for all of the special people on my team, who I now consider family, who recently lost fathers, mothers, and husbands. 
• Broken for all of the life that was brutally taken at the Wounded Knee Massacre.

The Lord has been preparing me for this for over 30 years, and yet I feel it wasn’t enough time. My heart burns with passion to be with these people and this culture, but the more time I spent there, the more I realized that I don’t know shit. Everything about me must be made new…from the way I say things, to my motivations, to my way of thinking…everything! It’s good to BEGIN to come to the end of myself, but at the same time it hurts, because so much flesh needs to be ripped off. 

I feel…

Heavy... with the weight of injustice.

And 

Alone… without a community of passionate believers around me. 

I pray that the Lord allows me another opportunity to go back to South Dakota, and opens doors for me to start a life there. However, I am trying my best to hold this desire loosely. His will be done on earth, as it is in heaven, and in my life.