I have been home for 25 days now. This time has not been at all what I expected. I thought I would rest for about a week, spend time with my family, and then hit the ground running. God had other plans : ) I have been looking for a job for about 3 weeks now without any success. The ministry that I am supposed to be working for, seems its going to take a lot longer to get off of the ground than I thought. So basically, after a year of non-stop adventure and being surrounded by like-minded, God-fearing people for 24 hours a day, I have resulted to no community, no transportation, no phone, and no job. Why is this happening, I thought, God has the power to open even the most impossible doors. Doesn’t He want me to progress? As I sat there listening, He said to me, “The wind blows from the north. This will make sense to you soon.” A few days later I was reading My Utmost for His Highest and I came across this sentence: “Fancy bringing about him a north wind that froze him and turned him away discouraged!” That’s it…He is doing this on purpose, He has me completely frozen. I can’t move to the right, to the left, or forward. For someone like me, who is very social and active, this is the ultimate annihilation of any rights to myself. No wonder I feel like I’m dying. I opened up Psalm 23, and began to see if with a fresh pair of eyes. We all know the traditional Psalm, but this is what it was really saying to me about the character of God: He guides me, He supplies my every need in abundance, He gives me rest (even when I feel I don’t want it, hahahaha!) He gives me peace, He restores my soul, He never leads me astray (He does it mainly for Himself because He loves me so much, and He can’t bear me going in the wrong direction), He protects me and promises that no harm shall befall me, He plunders darkness and gives me their riches, He anoints my head with oil-my portion is the oil of joy (everyday), Goodness and love follow me all the days of my life-I can call on these things daily, and nothing can or will seperate me from His love. So if this is who God is then He is doing this for my benefit. Today I choose to embrace this time of stillness instead of fighting it tooth and nail. Everday it seems like I am faced with more impossible things, for example, I still have a deficit of $1,555 for my mission trip, and the payment needs to be made in full by October 15th. (If you feel a tug on your heart to help and would like to make a donation, please click on the “support me” tab to the left of this page. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I wish words could express how much it really impacts my life.) However, I know who my Father is and I know He will supply all of my needs according to HIS riches and glory! Not because He has to, but because He wants to, because that’s what He is like : )
