I have been wanting to write a blog for a while now but I am
not sure what to say, so I am just going to let the Holy Spirit lead me.
Coming home is always the same process. I have to get used
to the fact that I am in the United States again when I wake up in the morning. I
have to get used to telling the story of what I learned or saw while I was
gone, but understanding that people aren’t always going to understand the
extent of it. It’s because they weren’t there to experience it first hand. I have to
fight to continue to be transparent and open with what is happening in my life.
I have to get over myself over and over again.
The first couple of weeks after Thanksgiving, I felt myself
pulling away from my loved ones around me, because to be honest I was thinking about
myself way too much. I was so pre-occupied with what is going to happened next.
Will I be able to raise enough support to go back and see my
squad?
I am so bored, what can I do that has purpose?
Will I go back to work or continue to do missions?
Should I go back to school?
Should I stay in Florida close to my family or go to South
Dakota and live life with the Sioux tribe and pour into them?
So many random things running through my head.
Everyday I have been anxious, like I just want to jump out
of my skin.
I have thought about myself and what I was feeling so much,
that I neglected to really love those around me.
Sure I have been physically serving them, and laughing with
them, and spending time with them, but I haven’t given myself to them fully.
I haven’t gotten past the annoying little habits, that you
notice when you live with someone 24-7, and just love them. I haven’t taken the time to see what
their needs are. I haven’t take the time to pray with them or fellowship with
them.
Then the other day, I was spending time with the Lord and I
was reading 1 Peter 5
Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving
as overseers- not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants
you to be, not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those
entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. (Who is the flock that God has placed in front of me to serve?)
Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another.
It dawned on me, that just because I wasn’t with my squad
anymore or out on the mission field, doesn’t mean I stop giving all of myself
for those around me. I know the Lord wanted me to awaken to this, because I
could feel something change. I no longer felt like I was sleep-walking.
Then I was able to play with my niece and stop trying to
correct her all the time. Then I was able to put aside my differences with my
mother, and make the choice to pray for her and with her, to read the word, and
discuss it, to fellowship with one another. Just in the past few days, I have
seen such a change in the way we communicate. Then I was able, to just love my
sis with physical affection and not worry about does she understand me or do I
understand her.
Who cares?
The Lord simply asks us to love, and in order to do that we
have to stop putting ourselves first, stop thinking so much and letting logic
and differences get in the way, and simply serve and give your time, and show
affection, and LOVE.
As we are obedient in this…..God takes care of the rest : )
1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves therefore under God’s mighty hand, that he
may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for
you.
