So I realized where all of my frustration is coming from.
For the past three days , I haven’t drawn to God, and that is so not like me. I
love to be near Him. I finally got close, and He opened the flood gates of
revelation. The first thing God wanted me to do was write a letter about how I
was feeling and where the root of my frustration was coming from. Here is what
I shared with Team 180 and Team New Song:
My heart is completely broken and torn to shreds. Why?
Because we are a house divided and when we go to do campus ministry it brings
more division. We break off into the same groups and don’t see one another
until dinner. When do we have time to love, pour into each other, speak life,
and minister to one another? It is not a coincidence that we are the only teams
that are staying in Ghana next month, and that we are spending another month
with each other. This is precious, valuable time to go deep, get real, to grow,
and learn how to truly, genuinely love, and lay down our lives for each other.
Sitting in a campus dorm and debating about our views is not how I feel God
wants us to spend time this month. It is physically hurting me. We are just
going through the motions, trying to
get through it. I have never felt such a big NO in my spirit. Everything in me
is screaming! If I was truly being obedient to the Spirit , I wouldn’t feel
this way. Yes, many of you are bearing fruit on the campus, but I am not. I
feel like I’m wasting valuable time. I’m not seeing fruit because God is
leading me to do other things, and I’m not being obedient. I’m not doing it,
because others may judge me. Who cares?! I want to sit in the garden and bring
healing and hope, not debate about my beliefs. I want to bring refreshment to
the souls that are dry. Most importantly, I want to love you and be unified as
one body with you.
Tonight, we had a major “Come to Jesus Meeting” as Haley
likes to call it : ) This is part 1. Part 2 is God’s response……To be continued.
