I’m reading the book The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson and I have really enjoyed it and learned a lot. (Thanks Kacie for letting me read it!!)
But now I am at the hands-on, actively participate, necessary slow process of prayer, deliverance and freedom.
Basically I make lists and pray through them.
I am on forgiveness now.
I was praying to forgive my biological father. I had never expressed to him that he had hurt me, or that I was upset with him. But I knew it in my heart that I was holding things against him. And in doing so, I was really only hurting myself.
I sat there on the blue yoga mat on the rooftop of our home this month in Cambodia and started to pray for my dad.
I told God that I forgave my father for leaving me as a baby and for not making time to see me the summer of 2009 when I was in his town and some other things that I was holding on to.
In this prayer that Anderson walks you through, you have to say how these wrongs made you feel.
I told God that I felt unwanted and worthless when my father wronged me in those ways.
I started to cry.
I got off track and asked God to forgive me.
I totally needed God’s forgiveness for carrying those perceptions of a father into my view of Him as my Heavenly Father. I knew I had done it, and God knew too (since He knows everything and all).
And then I did something that I don’t think you should always do, but I really just wanted to know that my Heavenly Father loved me.
I asked God for a dragonfly to show that He loves me and that I am worth it and that He wants me.
(A dragonfly was the first thing that popped into my mind. It was completely random and I honestly had no clue what God would show me. A picture, a t-shirt, maybe a real dragonfly? I hadn’t seen any in Cambodia yet, so I didn’t think that was a possibility.)
I had tears falling from my eyes that were squeezed shut as I continued to pray.
I felt a breeze and turned my head in the direction it blew.
I opened my eyes.
I felt like I was supposed to walk over to the corner that I was facing, so I did.
I looked out over beautiful Cambodia and admired the colorful and tall buildings. I heard the singing of birds and the running of tuk-tuks on the streets. I felt a soft breeze and saw the sunshine on the roofs in my view.
I thought to myself how beautiful it all was. And then I spoke out loud “that’s so pretty God, but I really want to see-“
And that’s when a huge dragonfly flew by right in front of my face!!!!
It was insane!
I, of course, cried some more and thanked God for loving me so much. Even when I am stubborn and need to be reminded of what He has told me before.
And honestly, it was one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had in praying.
Total faith builder and beautiful reminder of His love.
I am so happy and blessed and wanted to share this story.
And now, I just smile at even just the thought of a dragonfly. 🙂
