First, I'll share about how I fell in love with Pitesti, Romania. That city is amazing. I love everything about it. I love when it's sunny, when it's rainy, when it's cold out and I'm assuming I love it when it snows (just because I really love snow). The people in Romania are incredible. They make me smile. This is a place that I don't want to leave. There is a good chance that I am meant to live in Europe.
I am pretty positive I could live here. I knew right away. It was love at first sight. A thing I didn't know if I truly believed in.
(This is the center square of Pitesti on their "Tulip Fesival" day.So beautiful)
Now, let me tell you about Razboieni. This is the neighborhood that we did ministry in. It is a poor gypsy neighborhood, but you would never know just by looking at the children. They are relatively clean and dress nicely. Their behavior isn't the best, but they are sweet kids. The very first day of ministry, the children all hugged me multiple times, telling me that they love me. I couldn't stop smiling. They were saying "you're so beautiful" and "I love you so much." It was the sweetest thing ever! And the weirdest thing… I loved them too. Already. Just like that. I loved them back.
I didn't know just how deep that love went until the last day of ministry. The children cried for nearly a half an hour when we were getting ready to leave. Not soft sobbing, they cried hard as though they just found out their pet puppy got hit by a car). And I cried too.
(My team and I with all the beautiful children of Razboieni on the last day of ministry)
Then, there is the beautiful church family of Living Hope Church. Talk about communitry and the body of Christ! These people love one another so deeply and it's so obvious in all they do. They work hard together for the Lord, they pray often together and they have the best times of fellowship (dutch blitz, BBQs, ping pong and I hear that they do karaoke sometimes!) Along with loving each other, they love all of their family in Christ. US.They loved us so well. I felt extremely loved, in a way that I didn't expect. They accepted me just the way I am, my quirks and all.
I didn't know that in just over 3 weeks, a love like that can be formed. I am going to miss them all so much. And would love if my path crossed theirs again in the future.
(Pastor Cristi Golas, Cami and their wonderful children)
And now, I'll tell you about the best love of all that I found this month. I fell in love with Jesus. You're probably thinking "umm, didn't you already love Him. Aren't you a christian?" Well, yes I am. And yeah, I loved God. But this is real.
In Peru (February), I learned about how much God loves me. It's ridiculous and no human can truly comprehend His unconditional, ginormous love for us. I was troubled in Peru because I felt like I could never love God back in the way that I should or the way that I wished I could. I didn't know how to be "in love" with Jesus like I hear people say. But I know I wanted it more than anything.
Bolivia was a harder month for me spiritually. I felt like I was in a dry spell and wasn't hearing from God, when all I wanted was to love Him more. I discovered that He was wanting me to work through some things and grow in different ways.
When I got to Romania, I knew I was ready for what I desired most. To be more intimate with Jesus. The day that I fell in love with Pitesti, God tugged on my heart, saying "me too. Fall in love with me too."
And that's when I realized that believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens and something you decide upon.
Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller
I decided this was the month that I was going to become completely obsessed with God. I started spending lots of my free time just talking to Him After all, how can you fall in love with someone if you don't spend lots of time with them? I read more than I had been. I prayed way more. I decided that I would talk to God even if I can't hear Him back, I know that He is listening and wants to hear from me. I have become more alive in worship (I will write another blog about that awesomeness soon).
I fell in love.
How do you know? Good question. How do you know that love is real? Here is how I know:
- The thought of leaving the person, place or thing breaks your heart. You cry thinking about not being with them. I cried when I left Pitesti. And the thought of not following God hurts so bad. The thought of "falling away" scares me so much and makes me so sad.
- You can't stop thinking about it. While I was in Pitesti, I just thought about staying. I thought about returning there someday. Even more than that, I think about God so often, it's crazy. I never saw this coming… I had no idea He really could consume my thoughts in such a way. I honestly don't even have much control of it anymore. And I like that. 🙂
- You want to hang out/talk to them all the time. I loved being around the new friends and family I made inPitesti, but it's not possible to hang out with them right now. God, however, it always there. I can hang out with Him all day long and talk to Him as often as I take breaths in and out.
- Motivation, desire, passion. Words I've been praying for. I'm still praying about what this means in terms of my love for Pitest. But as for God, it's clear. It's crazy that it happened in loving Him. I feel more motivated than ever. I have a desire to walk with Him forever. And He's placed passions on my heart, but most importantly, the passion for Him.
So this is love. This is it. I don't ever want it to go away.
