I have been looking at everything as it has been surfacing. The lies I'm trying to forget and replace with truths. The things from my past that I didn't even know hurt me. Emotions that I am trying to aviod. Terrible memories that won't fade. The things in myself that I am trying to change. It's just so much. It's just all in front of my face.
Needless to say, I became very overwhelmed, very quickly. I felt hopeless in overcoming any of it. I felt like a mess (as you read in my previous blog "I'm a Spinning Mess.")
I was telling my friend Kacie about how I was feeling. And what she told me has completely changed how I am looking at all that's "on my plate."
Kacie told me that she had prayed for me just the day before. God spoke to her "Melanie, my dear." No, that wasn't it. He was saying:
"Melanie, my deer. I want her to run, but she sees so many trees."
As Kacie told me this, she realized that everything that was overwhelming me that I was telling her about were the "trees" that God told her about. I saw so many problems that I wasn't looking beyond them to find God and I didn't see a way out.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately and praying what God wants to show me in this.
I close my eyes at night and think about being God's little deer, surrounded by trees. (I feel like I am in "The Hunger Games" or "Twilight") The forest that I am in is dark and scary and full of trees, both big and small. But, if I look beyond the trees, there is light, and that's where God is. I have to get through the trees to get to Him, and that's where I can run free. Jesus wants to help me walk throught the trees. I have to deal with them. I can't just lay down and avoid them.
And once I make it through, I'll be free. With God. And that's the best thing. That's what I want the most.
As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
Psalm 42:1
