I
took
everything
off.
All
that
was
left
was
my
own
skin.
All
that
was
left
to
see
was
me.
This month I fasted.
I took makeup out of my life for 30 days so God could work on a heart issue I struggle with;
Comparison.
& while this is not limited to just my physical appearance, that is the area that God is currently using to teach me to be completely satisfied in who I am and who He has created me to be. He wants me to stop measuring myself against everyone around me. He wants me to be a woman of confidence. He wants me to come to a place where I can fully believe the truths He says about me.
One morning last month as I was getting ready for the day I became increasingly frustrated with my hair and its lack of cooperation. I wanted it to be straight–it wanted to flip. I wanted to pin it back–it wanted to fall free. & out of my frustration I began to complain to my reflection as well as to the other girls who were in the bathroom, "I HATE my hair!" "Why can't I have her hair? She doesn't even have to try and her hair always looks so good!" My complaining was interrupted by the sound of Ben's voice as he began reading, "Do not let your adorning be external–the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, the putting on of clothing–but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's eyes is very precious." 1st Peter 3:3-4
Well that shut me up real fast.
From that morning on things have been stirring in my heart and mind.
I have never considered myself beautiful.
Cute, sure. Pretty? Sometimes.
But never (beautiful).
No, that is not a word I use to describe myself. Because measured against others I see myself as plain, average, dull and ordinary.
Beautiful is a description that belongs to those "other" women.
Entering into the sixth month this passage from 1st Peter became my go-to verse.
On the days I woke up to new blemishes on my face
On the days I did not feel spectacular.
On the days I did not believe I was beautiful.
On the days I did not think I was worthy of being cherished.
I would dwell on this verse.
Mid-month I also decided to read through 1st Samuel (wanting to figure out what made David a man after God's own heart as I was creating a husband profile–more on that later). As I read through chapter 16 the following verses stood out to me; chapter 16 gives the account of when David was anointed king and it says, "When they came, he [Samuel] looked on Eliab and thought, 'Surely the Lord's anointed is before him.' But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" 1st samuel 16:6-7
It's funny, I was not reading 1st Samuel with my fast in mind. I did not go into this book thinking I would find a revelation about comparison. & yet there it was plain as day; God speaking to me, "I am not interested in your outward appearance. Stop overlooking yourself the way Samuel overlooked David amongst his 'taller', 'more qualified', 'stronger', brothers."
It all comes down to our hearts.
It is our hearts that we should be concerned about.
I should be more interested in what my heart looks like instead of how my hair, face, and clothes look.
I should be more interested in loving those around me instead of silently comparing myself to and competing against them.
I should be reaffirming God's truths in my life instead of tearing myself a part.
There should be praises on my lips instead of complaints.
For I am fearfully & wonderfully made.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
4:7 Song of Solomon
