I have so much to write and process through about this training camp experience and how God has moved in my life! However, I only a have a few minutes so I want to start with the big picture of God’s transforming power in my heart during this week and then offer more details along the way.
When I came to camp last Friday, I was expecting to encounter God through a big, powerful, life changing moment….as I had in previous summer camps. I expected that my emotions would be shaken and that God would remove all the wrong in me at once. I expected a grand revelation of something that was totally messed up in my childhood that was blocking my relationship with God, etc.
Well, I was disappointed.
As most people around me were receiving healing and having huge breakthroughs, I sat totally void of all emotion…..except a feeling of abandonment. I felt that God robbed me of my holy moment with him. That all the awesome sermons I just heard were for nothing because I couldn’t feel it changing me.
A couple days in, I was pissed and frustrated. Then I got a word of truth from my friend and teammate (more about my new team soon!!) Colin about how it doesn’t matter if we have any feeling we are still called to be obedient and serve God with our whole hearts. I was also assured that it was okay to be okay! All week they had preached that it was okay to not be okay, but I hadn’t received the truth that it was okay to be fine. And as I started to settle into the attitude that I would serve the Most High God, no matter how I felt, I started to see that he loved me so I should trust him and not depend on emotion.
Then, without really noticing, I started to have small revelations of hurts that had caused me to shut down different areas of my personality and believe lies about myself. I started to receive the truth that I am a daughter of the king and a woman of God and that he made my personality the way he wanted it. That I should not listen to lies of this world knocking down who I am, but rather listen to God and the freedom he was speaking into me. No, I’m not perfect. Yes, I need to change and grow. BUT, it will be God working in me in his timing, not when or how I think it should happen. I don’t need to strive, I just need to rest in Him.
So, God did meet me in camp this week and I am a changed person. Hands down. However, he did it through a steady drip of his Spirit slowly stripping the old and revealing the new, just like everyday life… and I am grateful.
I have so much more to write about the kingdom and how we carry it, scriptures that have helped with this process in my heart, logistical stuff about the race, my new team, theology, etc. but that will all have to wait for another day….get excited about it! 😉
