He calls me Joy. He says that I am His precious daughter and that He delights in me. He says that He loves me beyond anything I could ever imagine, but I did not understand it. I did not understand His love. I couldn´t believe that He really loved me that much because it seemed too far beyond my reach. I wanted it with all that was in me, but I did not see how He could love me that much.
So, I just kept pushing Him away. I tried to run from His words. I tried to run from His embrace. I tried to run from His delight in me. Yet in the midst of all the running, He never left me. He pursued me and pursued me. I could never really run too far from Him because He was always right at my heels.
And so here I am in Palenque, Mexico.
I realized that somewhere between then and now, I stopped running. As I was journaling two nights ago, I found myself writing the words, “Just love me tonight, Father. I just want you to love me tonight.” And at that moment, I knew that I had finally allowed Him to push past my fear of intimacy.
“I call her Joy
For that is what she is to Me
And what I long to be to her.”
These are the words my heavenly Father spoke to me about 6 years ago. And I finally realize that these words are true.
So, here I am, away from all that I know, learning that He really is enough for me.
