A Fish With No Agua In Sight

In
response to my first blog about being a fish out of water, a pastor at my
church sent the following in an email to me: 

 

 “learning a new way to
breathe sounds fine until the old way is gone and you are gasping…”

 

When
I wrote the first blog, I did not have any idea that the water was going to
completely disappear…  In Mexico, it just felt like I had been
“beached” but that I would soon return to the water that was so much
like home and included all the comforts that “home” affords. 

 

The
Lord has not only given me a new way to breathe, but He has breathed His vision
into me as well.  Add all this to the heart that He created in me, mix it
with a whole lot of love and compassion, and dump it into some of the most
impoverished areas in the world…do you see a picture forming yet or hear the
weeping of my soul? 

 

It
began during our two day “layover” in Granada, Nicaragua before we
came to Ometepe Island.  As we were walking through the markets, I saw
this man in tattered clothing begging alongside the street.  Not an
uncommon occurrence, but my eyes were drawn back to him again when I realized
that he was missing his left eye.  He was sitting there with his hand out
hoping that maybe someone would be gracious enough to give him some money. 
And his face still haunts my mind… 

 

I
had finally agreed to see through my Father´s eyes…and I experienced pain
like I have never known before. 

 

And
then I arrived at Cicrin, the orphanage where we are ministering this month on
Ometepe Island… and I see fatherless and motherless children.  

 

Why
haven´t I had to beg for food?

Why
haven´t I had to rely on “tias” (aunt in Spanish) to take care of me?

Why
did I have the privilege of not worrying about where I would sleep each night?

Why
do I have a loving father and mother that continue to care for me?

Why
did these children have to grow up in an orphanage?

Why
not me, Lord?  Why not me??

 

 

“For you have given not only the
privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for
him.”  Philippians 1:29

 

 I
am ashamed to admit that there are moments when I would like to go back in
time….to go back to when I didn´t see through the Father´s eyes, didn´t feel
the brokenness of people´s lives, and didn´t care so much.  But it is not
what my Father would want for me. 

 

I
can´t go back,… yet I am gasping in the present, trying to learn how to
breathe love into His children while feeling the weight of their
brokenness. 

 

“I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of
righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love.  Plow up the hard
ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come
and shower righteousness upon you.” 

 Hosea 10:12

 

As
I have watched the children at Cicrin over the last week and a half, I hear
more joy and laughter from them than I do myself.  While the Lord is
breaking my heart for His children, He is ministering to me through His
precious orphans.  It is just like Him to send us on a missions trip when
it feels as if He is ministering more through them than us…..but it seems
that this is how He works in His up-side-down Kingdom!!