Why I stayed in Colombia

After two weeks of grieving, and a week of heavy processing, The Lord has been revealing to me why I stayed in Colombia.

Two weeks ago, my team said our sad goodbye’s to our newfound family on San Andrés Island, and my squad left Colombia without me. While my body followed the group into Ecuador, my heart and my mind stayed behind. Leaving San Andrés was the hardest goodbye yet–and it’s still hard. But why? Haven’t I loved hard every month? Have I not given my all in every ministry this year? Why was this month so different–why was San Andrés so special?

Now, my team is staying in Cuenca, Ecuador, with a wonderful family from the States, living with several other missionaries, and working with all kinds of ministries. Cuenca is a beautiful city filled with culture (AND it’s safe to walk around!), the weather is cool here (such a nice change), and everyone has been so welcoming. It is the perfect ministry. I am so blessed to be here.

And yet, for this past week, my mind has been focused on memories from last month; I see faces, remember jokes, sing songs, WhatsApp my familia Colombiana. Outwardly, I’m here. But inwardly, I’m wishing I was with my island community.

Two nights ago, I was pulled into a drama rehearsal. We watched the drama: Everything, which is one of the dramas I helped with with the youth group in San Andrés. Watching this drama instantly reminded me of the first time I saw it with my hermanito, Nehemias, and the youth pastor, Elkin. It was only the second or third day with this church. I was overwhelmed by this drama, and allowed myself to cry publicly, in front of strangers. The video stalled in buffering, and their eyes turned to me, waiting for my thoughts. My first reaction was to be embarrassed. I don’t know them, and all they know about me is that I’m a missionary who has come to teach them. Why don’t I have it together? They looked at my face, covered with tears streaming down…and they understood. There was no judgement. None. Elkin simply looked at me and said, “This is very impactful, no?”.

In remembering this story, the Lord opened my eyes to see all of the things I had taken for granted about last month. This church, this family, was not afraid to feel; they were real. They were passionate about Jesus, about evangelism, and about the Word. Talking about the things of God were normal conversation. Crying was normal expression. Loving hard is what they do–it’s who they are, because that’s who Jesus is. Worship is loud, fun, fast, slow, sad, and free. Prayer is bold. The family of God is vulnerable, unashamed, and accepting.

And so this is why my heart stayed in Colombia. I so miss all of these things. Their normal was my normal last month. So much so that I didn’t even realize what it was. I didn’t know what I had lost until it hit me in the face. Freedom. Freedom is what I had.

But freedom is what we all have (John 8:36, 2 Corinthians 3:17, Galatians 5:1). I want that freedom here. I am in Cuenca for such a time as this, and I can’t waste it. I want this gift of freedom to continue to walk with me everywhere I go, may it be Ecuador, Peru, the rest of the Race, or back in the States. I didn’t learn a new way of life just to forget. I wasn’t set free just to walk back into my chains.

My prayer for this month is to find freedom in Ecuador. Because it’s here. I want to take hold of the freedom that He has already given me and shine a light on Cuenca. I want to continue to learn from the people the Lord has placed around me. I don’t want to miss this.

Video recap of last month: https://youtube.com/watch?v=skKx2LYu1XU