So in all of this prep work for the journey I must say I am overwhelmed.
I know I will get through it. I will find a way to fundraise, to get equipment I need, to pay my rent for 3-4 months when I don't have a full time job…
But before I even start climbing the mountain I thought I would give myself a break.
A minute to process the end of one season and the start of another.
Next week was going to be my week. Rest, relax, sleep.
But then I realized. I need to write a support letter…I need to prep for Royal Family Kids Camp for the following week…I need to get on a better walking [and the dreading running] regime..I need to prep my summer lessons for church..do some VBS stuff
Go. Go.Go
And then I rolled my eyes at myself and remember something I need to add to my World Race prep list.
I need to learn to rest.
I SUCK at resting.
And God keeps reminding me that I need to learn how to rest in HIM amid the chaos of life so that when I leave on this adventure I have some resting expierence under my toolbelt…
Now…today I took some time to rest in the form of my favorite sunday pastime…a Sunday afternoon nap. Now this pastime started back in High school when I started singing on the worship team and continued through college.
Now that I work at a church on Sunday I love my nap in the afternoon but sadly it probably only happens about 5% of the time that I post about it on facebook.
But other then that rare nap, I do not take time to rest well.
And that is not good.
See, I live a busy chaotic life, even though I would be the first to say that is not true…
And that life has got me into trouble.
Part of my story is a season of my life about 3 years ago where I hit a wall.
And it wasn't just any wall.
It was a wall that dropped me into a pit of deep dark depression.
Medication, counseling and Jesus have helped get me through it, but for quite a time it was hell.
It got to the point that I really just thought life would be better if I was in heaven.
It was rough.
And while I was already in a place of negative thought and darkness, I know for a fact all of the feelings I had were heightened because I did not know how to rest well. I didn't know how to take care of myself. And not in the "eating well, excericing" sense.
In the soul sense, in the recharging my batteries sense.
I've been hit with a lot of curve balls in the last 3 years…heck in the last 3 weeks, but in all of it I feel this pressing urge on my heart to cultivate a spirit of rest.
Because I know going on this adventure is going to have amazing high points, but also low, dark points. I know I am going to cry, feel broken, lost, homesick, hurt.
But I know my God wants me to cultivate a spirit of rest in Him so that when those times come I can lean into His arms.
The following is the end of the recap I wrote for my church: [on the sermon More: in rest]
I want to have part of my identity be based in the fact that I can rest well, that I can rest in Christ well. I need to begin to value rest.
The scripture read to us a few times was Matthew 11:28-30. Here it is in the message.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me; watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
I want a restful spirit that recovers my life.
I want to cultivate a spirit of rest.
I want to do that so I can have more.
Not more time, not more energy, not more work.
But to have more in Christ.
To be able to set in His presence.
To be able to fall asleep even with my chaotic schedule weighing me down because in the bottom of my heart it is all going to be ok.
I want to no longer feel “done”. To no longer feel burned out.
I want to live a life of more.
remain in HIS love
Megs
