I blame my church.
Ok not really, I don't blame my church. I appreciated the fact that I rarely walk out of a service there without having heard from God, without being convicted about something, without a new nugget to show the immense love, power, joy that comes from being a Christ follower.
But a week ago while going through James 4 in our series on "Faith in Motion" I got a picture from God.
It kind of looked like this:
The thing is this whole pre-race journey has been about letting go. It started out last year of the decision to let go of working at the preschool. Then it was to let go of the life I have to step into God's bigger picture. Then to let go of the church I worked at.
But there was still one thing I was holding on to.
I knew that even if I let go of all of the things above I still would have here. And by here I mean my apartment, my home, my church, my friends, Orange county. I would still have even if for a little while this life that I have created that defines who I am, and cherish who I am becoming.
In James 5 it talks about the rich; it talks about all of the things that hold onto and all of the things that will fall away. I didn't want to listen to that for a minute because let's be real. Me? not rich.
But then the pastor called me out of my thoughts. I can hold onto things that aren't just wealth. And that's when it hit me.
I am like that little girl; desperately holding onto some balloons even though they aren't going to last.
And the last balloon I was holding onto?
Had the words Orange County on it.
And I as I went up for prayer and got prayed over I realized that it was ok to let go of that balloon even though out of all of the things I've let go of this one hurts the most.
And why is that?
I am horriflingly afraid of being forgotten.
And I know that sound ridiculous. Because all of next year I will be gone anyway.
But to leave this place, to leave my home of the last about 9 years early?
Terrifies me.
But when I came to terms with the fact that God was calling me let go of something else, I knew I had too.
I've been complaining lately that I haven't been able to hear His voice amongst the shouting.
And that weekend He was clear.
And not that I am not excited to spend sometime in my quaint little town. To be near my best friend and my sweet God-daughters, be near my family before I take off.
But I am so heartbreakingly sad to leave my family here. My life, my aparment, my roommates, my friends, my crazy neighbors, the ranch market, back bay, My church. I am going to miss hearing "Miss Meghan!!" shouted across a grocery store. All of the memories that are stored hear of the last 9 years.
I'm going to be here for 5 more weeks up until October 1rst. I'll be around after that. I am flying in and out of the area for training camp. There will be some sort of New Years Eve goodbye shindig. I'm hosting a fundraiser in the middle of September.
So schedule sometime for me to babysit your cute kiddos, schedule dates to have yogurt, coffee, drinks..etc.
I am sure there will be another post about this because I honestly don't have the words or emotions right now to really delve in.
But I wanted it out there.
So to Kingsburg: Get ready…Meghan is coming back for a few months. Prepare a spot at Starbucks for me.
And to all of my friends in the OC, to all of the preschool families whom I love dearly, to my 7PM crew, know that Ieaving and letting go of living in this place is by far the hardest part of this journey.
Love you all!
blessings,
Megs
and as a PS thank you so much to all of those who have donated thus far. I honestly am so blessed and blown away DAILY for your generosity.
PPS be on the look out for details for my AMAZING silent auction coming up!!
