It’s all gone.

It’s all gone.

I’ve deleted words from this page too many times..

I’ve opened up a blank document on more occasions than I can count.

I don’t know where to even start.

I could start with the sunsets here in Nsoko- how no matter what I am doing I always find myself stopping to glance out the window at how God paints the sky ever so beautifully.

I could start at the beginning. The fact that for the first time in a few months I don’t need to be up at dawn- so I am using this time to get more rest and sleep at night so I can go strong during the day.

I could share with you that I am a team leader this month. How I am flabbergasted at the fact that God has given me this role this month and that He has longed to teach me something new.

Or maybe you want to know about the 22 other women who I am living with and how I can’t walk into the main room of our team house without games being played, yoga being done or popcorn being popped.

I could try to replicate the laughter of Sanele, Nelly, Nombali, Samonga or Phindile- the locals who work at this AIM base. I could try to video the joy they bring into the room whenever they walk in.

Perhaps you want to know that I finally have a kitchen to work in and find joy in preparing food for the women at dinner.

I could tell you that this writing this blog was interrupted to have a long beautiful conversation with Mindy-just one of those fabulous women.

I could try to describe to you Erica, the powerhouse contact of ours who runs multiple care points, hears from the Lord and steps out in faith daily.

I could record the sound of crickets that keep us up at night.

I could show you the tear drops on my journal from the tears that fell at the joy I have over the team of 4 other women I am surrounded by.

I could show you the post it with their names on it.

And explain the moment of fear I felt at the strength that poured off the small yellow paper

I could explain the joy I have felt seeing women I love grow, change.

Or the joy at a WR alumni bringing us chocolate, coffee creamer and zone bars/

 

I wish I could find the words to tell you how weird I felt all month

How the emotions and feelings that haunt Swaziland have haunted me.

And how I need to get out of Africa to get away from it.

[and how I can’t wait to process all God has taught me here.]

I want to figure how to share what it felt like to see parents of my WR family doing life with them.

[and how ecstatic I was over the two sticks of deodorant Serah’s dad brought me]

Or the fact that they spoke life and prayed over us.

 

I want to say more, explain more, do more in this moment.

But I can’t.

I can just train of consciousness style write words across this page.

I wish I had more.

But I don’t.

So I will leave it at that.

I’ll write more when I am

Out of this place.

Share with you the details of the life

Here in Swazi

With 22 women.

And what our daily life was

 

I love you all and miss you- I need 400 more dollars to get across the Pacific Ocean in December!