I'm done.
Done with ministry.
Teamtime.
Done with the community.
Done with needing a buddy to go EVERYWHERE.
I'm SICK of missing things.
Weddings. Babies. Birthdays. Huge life events.
Finished with buzz words.
Lean in. Buy in. Dig in.
Proccessing. Feedback.
Go deeper.
I'm sick of that whenever it seems like I've unearthed another layer of muck and grime from my life-
there is another one waiting.
That's why I'm done.
I'm tired. Worn out. On the edge of tears for the past few days.
Not getting enough sleep.
Trying to stay in Thailand in my brain.
And when I finally firmly plant my feet here- knowing there is less than 3 months to go my brain switches into:
I'm scared.
Scared of life without ministry set in front of me every day.
Scared to live a life where I don't have teamtime.
Where I might not have people calling me up on the daily.
Weirded out and saddened by the thought of walking alone.
I'm excited and overwhelmed at the change that has happened in my friends at home.
Kids added to families, husbands added to our crew of friends.
New careers.
I've changed so much…they changed so much. Will we still fit together?
I don't want to live a life without feedback. Without people challenging me to:
Lean in. Buy in. Dig in. Process the crap.
I don't want to stop refining who Christ wants me to be. To keep weeding out the things that don't belong.
So yes, half of me is done with the race. All of me is tired. But most of me can barely begin to fathom what God has done in me this year- and the fact that he has even more. The fact that he has begun to show me where I belong. The fact that He isn't done.
So refresh me My God, help me get rest and sleep, help me continually find my strength, life and hope in who you are and what you are doing.
[Chelsey and I. She was apart of Team BA last month- but is also my co-UHC coordinator. And the top picture is lovely, hilarious Alyssa who was my elephant riding buddy.]
