I am an introvert. I process internally. I would rather sit and observe everyone and everything going on around me than be in the middle of a conversation. I'd rather be in my room, than at a squad birthday dance party. I'd rather have my headphones in and listen to nothing on my ipod, than to make small talk with people around me. This is who I am.
People who aren't introverts don't understand the mind of one. They question and think its weird that people enjoy being along, or even accuse the introvert as being rude or shy.
Coming on the race I knew from reading blogs that I would have to "die to self" and give up my need and desire for alone time. I knew living in community would be hard. Always being around at least 1 other person and at times up to 60 other people would be hard. I never imagined it would be this hard. In America it is easy to find a quiet place to be alone. Driving in my car, taking a shower, going to the park or for a hike. On the race I have found my "alone times" literally being when I have headphones in and can turn my back on the rest of the room. Or when I am taking a shower with nothing more than a mere shower curtain separating me from the rest of the group. (Doors?!?! They are so overrated.)
Sometimes my need to be alone is seen as I am avoiding dealing with something, or that something is wrong, or even as me not "choosing in". When in reality I just need time to refill. So…I haven't blogged much over the past few months. I haven't updated my supporters at home as often as I would like, and I haven't called home as much. These are the areas of my life that I can control and still be introverted.
So I apologize for the lack of communication, the lack of stories, the lack of pictures. When I am refilled, and recharged I will have so many stories to tell and pictures to show….but for now
Just let me be an introvert.
