A walking zombie. That’s what I’ve become. I’m numb to this life that is whizzing past me every single day. I know that God is at work in my life as I look back and see His blessings. So why am I not more joyful? Why do I feel so alone? Why do I have no energy or motivation? I walk with Jesus each day, but I don’t feel him near. I don’t hear him speak.
I go to church every Sunday. I lead a small group. I’m preparing to go on a mission’s trip around the world to serve the God I love. I talk to God throughout the day. I have a good job. I’m making new friends. So what’s the problem?
I wracked my brain, searching for a way out. This only made me feel guilty for my numbness. I knew that I didn’t want to live this way, that there was something better, but I just couldn’t find it. When I finally turned to Jesus, bringing all of these lingering questions to Him, I found the answer I needed. He made me aware of the walls that I had built up around my heart and slowly tore them down. Jesus opened my eyes to what was really going on inside me, answering the cries of my heart.
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful”
Colossians 4:2
A fairly simple verse. One that I’ve read several times but never given much thought. I’ve never asked Jesus to let me feel the weight of the words Paul is speaking. He is urging us to recognize the power of prayer. The power of believing that our God is big enough, grand enough, loving enough to put the full weight of Heaven behind our prayers. Because the truth of the matter is, some doors will never open if they don’t start with prayer. God moves in MIGHTY ways when his sons and daughters spend time with Him in prayer, trusting in His radical grace and unfailing love.
But Paul isn’t just urging us to pray, he’s giving us some tips on how to pray. Be watchful and thankful. What does this really mean? In the original Greek, the word used for watchful here means wide awake. So many times I find myself praying half-heartedly. I do pretty well talking with God in the morning and at night, feeling the weight of the time I’m spending in His Presence. Throughout my day, I check in with Him if I think about Him. But, I’m not fully awake to Him. I’m not asking Him to make me aware of the Holy Spirit’s continual presence. I’m not accepting this gift of His Spirit that is available to me 24/7, willing to meet me wherever I am, whenever I call. To give me His knowledge, dreams that captivate my life, blessings beyond imagining and divine appointments. I’m not being sensitive to His presence. Instead, I’m constantly hitting the snooze button on the Holy Spirit, choosing to hide under the covers for a few more minutes, too comfortable to get up. I miss the moments where God wants to show up–to work, to heal, to love.
I don’t want to sleep walk anymore. Cuz if I’m honest, a Meghan who’s only half-awake is just not pleasant for anyone to be around! No, I want to be Wide Awake to His Presence as often as possible. I want to invite Him into every single moment of my day. I want to remember His promises to me and the ways that He has blessed my life. I want to pray with joy and thankfulness, fully expecting and trusting my God to hear my call. I want to open the doors for the Holy Spirit to work freely through me each and every day. So, I’m stepping out of this safety zone that I’ve barricaded myself in. I’m coming out from under the covers. And I’m going to consciously choose each day to listen and look for the Holy Spirit’s promptings, waiting in anticipation for Him show up!
