24-year-old, single, unemployed woman currently living in Haiti looking to adopt a child. Not the description I would have provided for myself only a few short weeks ago. But then I met Tina. This beautiful, vivacious three-year-old girl stole my heart. From the moment she walked up to me with her little ruffled undies and dirty dress, my heart was hers. I don’t know how to explain the love that the Lord gave me for this girl. It still sounds crazy to me to admit that every time I looked at her I felt as if she was mine.
Now let me get real for a second. Being a mom is not on my list of priorities at the moment. To be honest, I never really thought that I would be a good mom. I tend to feel awkward with kids sometimes. What do you say to them? What if they don’t like you? Kids seemed to just naturally love my friends. But I felt like I simply could not figure them out.
I carried this fear with me onto the Race but God decided that He was going to do something about it through the love of the children that He put in my path. Tina was one of those precious children. The first time I saw her, my team and I were in a small village to plant trees. I expected this to be a day full of physical labor rather than relationship building but God’s plan was a bit different. As we walked from house to house, I found myself surrounded by children. They started to follow us wherever we went. When we got to our fourth or fifth house, this beautiful little girl came running into my arms out of nowhere. The connection was instant. I looked down at this vibrant child and was overwhelmed by the emotions that began to pulse through me. What was her story? Where did she come from? Was she cared for? I had no idea. I just knew that God wanted me to love her. So I did the only thing I could think of to do – I prayed over her. For the few hours that I was able to hold her in my arms, I blessed this child and her life in the name of Jesus. When we left the village that day, I did not expect to ever see her again.
But the next day God opened the door for my team to go back to that village. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t dying a little inside with the expectation of seeing my little Tina again. As our bus pulled up I could see her little body being dragged down the dirt road by her mother. I could only see her from a distance, but I knew that it was her. The anger that welled up inside of me at the moment was unlike any that I had experienced. It was then that something that can only be described by God happened: Tina became my child. My heart belonged to her. The love that I felt was a love that cannot be shaken. When she came into my arms that day, I felt her soften. This vibrant, spunky, joyful little girl that I had experienced only the day before was like mush in my arms. She let me love her completely, falling asleep in my arms. When she awoke, she looked up at me with her big brown eyes – eyes that reflected my own face back at me – and softly touched my skin with her dirty little hands. I knew then that I would do anything for her. I would leave the Race if it meant that I could give her a better life. I would work three jobs to be sure that she never went without. As our bus was getting ready to pull away for the last time and she was ripped from my arms, my heart shattered. It felt unnatural. How could I leave my child? My mind could not get a grasp on what my heart was feeling. But God spoke to my brokenness, providing the peace and the assurance that only He can give, allowing me to mourn for the life of His daughter but to trust in His plan for her life.
I don’t know what the future holds for my precious girl but I do know that she will never be forgotten. Her little heart altered the course of my life forever.
Photo Credit: Kendra Harrell and Katie Ruther.
