SHAME. GUILT.
Those are the words that the Lord gave me as I was standing in the mosque prayer room. Fully dressed in a gown and head covering, surrounded by other tourists and Muslims, these are the words that I saw so clearly in my mind as our guide, Abyan, was telling us the ins and outs of this religion he had spent his whole life studying. These two words were pressed on my heart and I knew I had to tell Abyan. I had to tell him the sweet truth the Lord wanted him to hear that day. And I couldn’t wait.
Let me back up here for a second.
On one of our first days in Malaysia, my team decided to visit and tour a Muslim mosque as one of our ministry days. We desperately wanted to learn more about this religion that accounts for such a large percentage of the Malaysian population. Upon arriving at the mosque, we were asked to remove our shoes and were handed gowns and head coverings before meeting our sweet tour guide, Abyan. He was so kind and gentle in his words as he walked us through the hallways of the mosque, showed us where the wash rooms were that every Muslim must enter to ensure clean feet and explained to us the importance of facing Mecca during prayer.
He led us into the huge prayer room, despite the sign outside the door that read “Non-Muslims Not Allowed” and continued his explanation of what exactly occurs in that room five times a day at the call to prayer.
I was so intrigued with hearing from the perspective of someone who grew up and committed his whole life to studying this religion that he believed to be so right and true. But I quickly realized that Abyan’s religion and what I knew true of my Father were not the same.
Where my Father extends grace and forgiveness, Abyan’s Allah writes down all of his sins.
Where my Jesus was the one and only Son of God, Abyan only knew my Jesus as a prophet.
Where my works are products of deep love for my Father, Abyan’s works are the determents for his acceptance into a fitting level of heaven.
Where my Father can’t love me less, Abyan constantly lives in a state of performance in hopes Allah will love him more.
My heart broke as I saw the tiredness, the inadequacy, and the deep feelings of failure that were evidently expressed on his face.
My thoughts of heartbreak and sadness were interrupted as I heard the sweet words coming out of my team leader’s mouth. There in the middle of the prayer room, the Lord granted Rachel the boldness and confidence to share the gospel with Abyan, despite the government laws of evangelizing to Malayas. With no hesitation or fear, she spoke the beautiful truth of Jesus and His deep love for His son, a love not based on works or performance. Upon finishing, Abyan gave a slight nod to inform us he had listened but quickly brushed it off and guided us over to look at the Koran that was encased in the back of the room.
And that is when I saw the words run across my mind. So clear. So evident.
SHAME. GUILT.
“Tell him he’s already accepted. Tell him he is already furiously loved. Tell him before you leave. Alone.”
My heart dropped at this reality. And that I was about to call a Muslim man out for his shame and guilt and continue telling him about the love my Father has for him – in a Malaysian mosque. Go against government, rules, and laws to speak the truth about my Lord. Yep, terrified would be correct.
As my other teammates walked outside and took off their gowns and head coverings, I slipped by quietly and pulled Abyan off to the side.
“Abyan, I want you to know that my Lord gave me a word for you while we were in the prayer room. He told me that you have been hanging onto a lot of shame and guilt that you can’t seem to break free from. Shame that is making you work even harder to outweigh your bad deeds with your good. The Lord told me that He sees how tired you are, how inadequate you feel and He wants you to know that you can stop trying. That when Jesus died on the cross, he died for you and your sins are gone. Forgotten. You can walk in that freedom now, freedom in knowing that you have already been accepted as His son. He wants you to know that He sees you and He loves you. Right now, he loves you.”
I’m not sure exactly what response I was expecting, if any at all. But I can tell you, I definitely did not expect what happened next.
Tears streamed down his face as he quietly whispered, “You don’t understand what I’ve done. I’m a bad man. I’m a bad Muslim.”
I quickly refuted his response with the love that Jesus still offers and the unchanging identity he has as a son. After going back and forth several more times, Abyan leaned into me and whispered with haste, “Thank you but you must go. They can’t hear you. You must go.” As I turned around, I saw surrounding mosque workers looking at us with curiosity and realized the danger in what I was doing. I turned back around to see tears still in Abyan’s eyes, smiled softly and said “know that He loves you” before grabbing my shoes and walking down the stairs.
I don’t know what the Lord did in Abyan’s heart that day, if any of the words sank in or even if he thought about it after I left. But I trust my Father had a specific purpose for giving me those words so clearly and asking such a bold task for me to do. Maybe it was for Abyan, maybe it was me or maybe it was for both of us. To see and be reminded of the goodness and love of the one true God. And His ability to use anyone to do work for His kingdom. Even a twenty-two year old at a mosque in Malaysia. Man, how my God is so good!
My team is headed to Vietnam tomorrow to begin month 3! I can’t believe how fast time is going! Please keep my team in your prayers as we travel and that we would rest up during our 17 hour train ride! Also, I still need $2,602 in order to be fully funded so if you like to give and still haven’t, you can by clicking on the “please support me!” link on the left hand side. Lastly, if you haven’t signed up for an email subscribe to my blog, you can do that clicking on the “subscribe for updates” link as well! Thank you for all your prayers, support and encouragement! I wouldn’t be able to do this without you all!
LOVE Y’ALL!!
🙂
