"Our ministry this month will be at YWAM Chaiyaphum where we will staying in a village, teaching English, working construction and doing soccer ministry."
As I sat there in the hostel lobby, listening to my new team leader, my heart broke.
Coming on the Race, the one country I couldn't wait for was Thailand. It was the main reason I signed up for this particular route because I knew Thailand = sex trafficking. And for those of you who know me, you know what a passion I have for the trapped girls in this industry. I was excited to see this firsthand, to spend time in bars building relationships with girls and giving them hope in a world full of darkness. I prayed that once Month 5 came, the Lord would see my heart and this strong desire and place me with this ministry.
But it didn't happen.
Instead I got a different ministry and a new team.
Two things I didn't ask for. Two things I didn't want.
I felt so betrayed by my Father. So hurt and neglected. I felt like He had thrown my feelings and the passions that He gave me to the waste side and He just wanted to "test" me. Just wanted to make things hard and miserable for me so that I would grow. And now I had to go into this undesired ministry with a new team while three of my old teammates were placed in the bar ministry.
I was taken away from my beloved Sozo family, the girls I had done life with for the past 4 months and had grown so close to. All I knew of the Race was them experiencing it with me. And now, everything was going to be new…and uncomfortable.
I was heartbroken and wanted to run. But the one person I had to run to was the One I felt mislead me the most.
[Fast Forward 5 days to our first Sunday in Chaiyaphum]
I am sitting in a little church where the congregation was mostly made up by my new team. I was trying to pray, trying to worship, trying to focus, but my heart was still hurt. I began asking the Lord questions
Why did you place me here?
Do you not hear my prayers?
Do you not care about my passions?
Do you not see my heart?
And at that moment, the Lord gave me a vision.
A beautiful scene of a lake with tall, golden marsh popping up in different sections in the water. I was leaning on the back porch railing of a house as I looked out over the lake and saw an empty canoe in the water. It immediately reminded me of the short scene in The Notebook where Noah and Allie have just started dating and they on the lake in a canoe, laughing and being "young and in love." Noah stands up and beats his chest and jumps in the water. Soon after, Allie stands up and jumps in to join him, the whole time laughing and splashing in the water.
I opened my eyes, confused on what the vision meant and then closed them again. This time, a different scene.
I had moved from the porch and was now standing in the canoe as it drifted down the lake. All I could see of myself was my right arm that was extended out in front of me. But as I looked up, I saw only the back of Jesus as he had his right arm stretched out behind and was holding my hand. He was leading me out of the boat, unto the water.
That afternoon, on my little sleeping pad on the floor, I came to my Father for the first time in days, praying that He would reveal the meanings behind these visions. And of course, He was there – waiting.
With the first vision, He revealed to me that He has been in the boat with me, laughing and enjoying my company. But while I have been comfortable in the boat, He knows what more fun can be had in the water. He wants me to follow Him into the water, to jump after Him, to go where He goes. Even into the unknown, He will go before me and will be in the water to catch me.
With the next vision, He reminded me of the account of Peter being called out to walk on the water.
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came towards Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord save me!'
IMMEDIATELY JESUS REACHED OUT HIS HAND AND CAUGHT HIM.
"You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?'
The Lord wants me to walk out of the boat, unto the water with Him. He knows what awaits out in the unknown – borderless trust, withstanding faith, complete dependency and unfathomable joy. He promises to lead me, to go before me, and to catch me when I begin to sink.
He wants more of me. He wants more for me.
He wants me to say "let me walk upon the waters."
After church that afternoon, we went fishing and passed this scene on the way there – a lake with tall marsh and a canoe. Oh Jesus, you're a pretty great guy:)
Are you finding yourself comfortable in the boat but the Lord wants to follow Him out onto the water? Are you feeling scared and anxious as He's leading you into the unknown? Trust Him. Obey Him. Let Him hold your hand and go before you. He promises only good things are out on the water.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters
wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.
Financial Update: I can not tell everyone thank you enough for the support that you have already given me! I am now only $1,919 from being FULLY FUNDED! I have a month to raise the rest so if you have not given, please prayerfully consider joining me on this adventure! Thank you everyone for your support, both financially and spiritually. I could not be doing this without you all!
LOVE Y'ALL!
