Today, my phone alarm went off at 12:00pm reminding me to read a letter I had written to myself a little over a month ago. I had typed it and tucked it away into the secrets of my phone, awaiting for this very day – the day that marks me being home for exactly one month. I thought I should share it with you all and let you in on what exactly I wanted to remind future Meghan. So here's goes nothing!
Written on July 22, 2014. 2:00pm. Albania.
"A letter to myself to read on August 31.
Here I sit upstairs at Light Force in a little seat next to my beloved team 'This Is It.' Rachel is sitting closely beside me and for her last team time tonight has asked us all to write a letter to ourselves that we will open and read one month after being home. When I think about August 31st, I can imagine that at this point, I am feeling pretty sad and nostalgic about the race. Wishing I was back here right where I'm stting now, with these people who I have come to love and have walked with me through this past year. I can imagine that I have already felt glimpses of loneliness and am getting a bit stir crazy in the grand ole city of High Point. I am sure I have spent countless hours reminiscing about the race and the beautiful, hard and life changing experience that it was. Recalling memories that I had and the struggles that I fought through. I want to tell future me that as I'm sitting here with 10 days left of this race, I am proud of myself.
Proud for my obedience when I said yes to the Lord in all my fear.
Proud of myself for stepping out into the unknown with not a single soul I knew.
Proud of myself for the ways I have fought for my freedom and fought for my relationship with the Lord.
Proud of myself for the ways I have come to know the Spirit and become more aware of His presence in me.
Proud of myself for unleashing my identity as a daughter and realizing and believing my unwavering worth as His beloved.
So when I'm sitting at home in a month thinking back on these past 11 months, know that I did it well – not seamless. Not perfect. But well. I ran the race the Lord had prepared for me. And know future Meghan, that your Father is proud of you as well.
Know that I am leaving this race a little more whole than when I started – with more confidence in who I am as a daughter and the gifts and strengths that He has given to me. With a new perspective of who my Father is and the eyes He sees me with. And with the knowledge that I am treasured, worthy, deeply known and fiercely loved.
And as I'm going through memories and finding things that I could have done better, know that I wasn't defeated. I wasn't trampled over. I didn't stay in the same pit, behind the same walls.
But I did come alive, I did gain freedom and I won victories.
So any lies in that head right now, replace them. Any screwed perspectives of my race, put away. Because I am changed, I am different and I am freer because of the victories won, the friendships made and the experiences had.
Trust that Meghan. Keep growing, keep changing and let the race be the floor to this next season."
