For so long, my relationship with God consisted of scripted prayers before bedtime, passionless hymnals sang in unison on Sundays, and sporadic scripture reading inspired by a sense of obligation and guilt. But my heart wanted more. I knew there could be more, I had taken note of it in those around me, but I wanted it for myself. I wanted to escape all things dogmatic and unveil a sense of intimacy, a relationship.
It first took notice. I had to change my view of God from some invisible, intangible being, to a very real part of each of my days. Once I started making an intentional effort to see God throughout my days, I found Him impossible to ignore-no longer was He invisible. Instead of seeing the sunset as just another day’s end, I began to see His intentional fingerprints in the warm strokes of color sweeping the sky.
Black Sea Sunrise-Bulgaria 2015
I wandered through Buddhist temples, and felt Yahweh all around me as I slipped through the thick clouds of incense.
I walked along the floor of a Filipino coast, reaching out to touch a fish with more colors than the rainbow itself, and couldn’t help but freeze in awe of His creation.
I jumped from a plane and fell through the air over the fields of Pennsylvania, USA and giggled aloud with the exhilaration He’d just shot through my veins.
I woke from a night’s sleep in a desolate, decrepit station in Indonesia, to the arrival of the bus that was supposed to have come and gone hours before, and sighed with gratitude for His watchful eyes and protective hands.
The point of sharing these pieces from my life, is to show how He was always a part of them. Slowly,the gap between God and worshiper became more fluent to Mentor and student, to Father and daughter, to friend and friend, and I started to see other sides of the God I’d always known. I began to understand Him, His love, and His grace, in such a different way than before. And even more, because I now knew the author, the Word began to come alive to me. I was overwhelmed with contentment and peace at my new found understanding of the Father.
I’d gotten to a place where I felt like I knew my God as I knew anyone else in my life, He’d shown Himself to me because I’d allowed Him to; I’d chosen to let Him in. However, though He already knew me, I was still fighting to share myself with Him. So, instead of just acknowledging His undeniable presence throughout my days, I went further and began to talk with Him throughout them. Every day, all the time.
Instead of jogging mindlessly each morning, I began to indulge in intimate conversation with the Father along the way. I would thank Him for the smallest things throughout the day that brought me joy, like the warmth of the sun, the way I’d oversleep, but wake in just enough time to avoid tardiness, or the way a passing old man’s perfectly ironed, mustard stained shirt would bring a smile to my face. I’d praise Him with my laughter and my off tune humming. I’d cry out to Him in my sadness, ask Him to calm me in my anger, and explain to Him my most perplexing dilemmas.
Though He already knew every part of me, good and bad, I had still been denying Him of a deeper relationship with me by not sharing those parts of who I was with Him, myself. In the same way as a close friend can be distanced by hearing about a major event in your life through gossip versus you telling them yourself, I was distancing myself from the Father by not sharing my own trials and triumphs directly with Him. Now, I was purposefully confiding in Him, instead of letting Him hear through the grapevine, so to speak.
Through these major life changes, I’ve been able to reap the benefits of the most nurturing, refreshing, inspiring relationship I’ve ever had with my God. However, there’s still more work to be done in my strive for intimacy. While He now gets to hear me talking to Him at all hours of the day (poor guy) I have yet to perfect a listening heart that receives what He might be trying to say back to me. I know He has so much to pour into me, but if I don’t learn to silence my mind in order to let it in, I’ll be robbing myself of further intimacy with the Father. So, over the next year, I’ll attempt to train my soul to adapt the necessary discipline I’ll need to just sit in meditation and reception of Yahweh’s whispers to me. I’ll let you know what I hear. 😉
