I clearly remember asking the Lord months before deciding to do the WR that I wanted to be broken down this year. Now what’s funny is the Lord had plans of me becoming broken down much earlier. My brokenness has started now.
As I sit and reflect on my last 10 days at WR training camp, I will have to say these were 10 of the hardest days I’ve had in a while. In the course of 10 days we went over abandonment, physical and emotional health, intimacy, shame, identity, forgiveness and much more.
Training camp broke me down. I thought I had been healed and ready to go on this journey that the Lord has called me to for a year, except I was very wrong. God exposed all the cracks in my life and showed me I was harboring pain from my past and present. God does not want me to suppress these thoughts, and over the course of these 10 days all of these emotions came flooding in. God, told me to “leave it behind.” I was confused with what God was asking, because I felt like I had already left a lot behind over the course of my life. However, God revealed to me that I was still trying to cling on to what I had left, because I don’t have much left to hold on to currently.
After looking at what this meant, I realized God has called me to a life of abandonment this year. What’s so hard about this life of abandonment is that we don’t like being uncomfortable. However, the ability to leave everything behind creates SPACE. It also gives us the ability to craft the life we want to.
During my time at training camp, I remember asking the Lord if He was sure this is what I needed to do. I was terrified after I realized everything I will have to endure this year. I was also scared about not having stability. I felt like I had already been losing stability in my life, and realizing this would continue, was a scary thought. As a result, God has also taught me a lot about sacrifice. Despite all the uncomfortability I will endure, I know God is my ultimate source of joy and comfort. I have always heard that God is the ultimate source of comfort, but I am just starting to grasp what this looks like.
A milestone- an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.
Training camp has served as a milestone in my life.
