I’m going to be uncomfortably vulnerable with you in this post. I find it absolutely necessary though because this is all a testament to the Lord, how awesome He is, and what He’s been teaching me in the last few days here in Sri Lanka. By the way, I’m in Sri Lanka now! This place is absolutely beautiful!! I’ll get you some pics soon.
So here we go…
Recently, God has asked me to refocus.
My first 2 months of the Race honestly kind of sucked… because my attitude sucked. Throughout Australia and Indonesia, I found myself standing dangerously close to the edge of a cliff that led to nowhere but rock freaking bottom. I wouldn’t have admitted this until about 2 days ago, but I have genuinely struggled with the transition out of my old life and into this new season. It’s been really really hard.
I’ve been pretty frustrated with ministry the last few weeks. My last night in Indo, I had a complete and total meltdown. I was sitting by myself in the lobby of our hostel, and the tears started streaming. Hard. I had been sick for a few days, I was tired, I was so incredibly anxious, and I was feeling completely useless as a human being. I pleaded with God and asked, Lord, why am I even here? Why would you take me away from my ministries at home? I’m so much more useful there. I do so much more for you there. I have more opportunities at home! I am wasting my time here. I know you’ve called me here, but I don’t understand why. This became my thought process for the next several days. Internally, I was a broken record of pathetic questions and desperation.
Two days ago, a breakthrough happened. Oh happy day. I woke up that morning still quite miserable, and honestly about to just completely lose it altogether. I walked around for the first several hours of my day on a consistent verge of tears. My prayer time with the Lord led me to Psalm 27:14, which reads, Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. In the margins of my Bible I have a note written from a sermon my pastor (shout out to PT!) preached a few months ago. That note says, He’s never early; He’s never late; He’s always right on time. So I shifted my thoughts a little bit (not all the way though), and said Okay Lord, I’m going to be patient and wait for you to reveal your purpose for me. You’re being quiet right now, which you are allowed to do, but God, I need you to speak to me soon because I can’t live like this for much longer. It didn’t take long for Him to begin His reply. Little by little throughout the afternoon and evening the Holy Spirit began softening my heart and encouraging me big time. I felt Him begin to ask me questions like, Megan, what is ministry? My answer : showing people Jesus. His reply to that being, I love you, and I’ve gifted you with abilities to show people Jesus in a gym very well, but I want you bust out of that box you’ve confined yourself to. Right now, I want you to show people who I am no matter what your environment is.
Okay, Lord. Okay. I hear you. It’s time to refocus.
Y’all a freakin veil was lifted from my eyes! And my heart—oh my goodness my heart has never felt lighter. Praise be to God!
So, let me just give you an example of how my choice to shift my focus has positively impacted my ministry:
First of all, to all of my volleyball players reading this: I miss y’all. I can’t even put into words how much I miss each and every one of you! I miss coaching you, I miss playing queens at the end of practice with you, I miss discipling you, I miss making you run an unreasonable amount of sprints during pressure serving :), I simply miss being with you. I love y’all so much!
Obviously, I miss using volleyball as my ministry. I mean, for the past 5 years I’ve coached year round. It’s definitely been an adjustment transitioning out of the role of
“Coach Megan”. But, yesterday the Lord reminded me, ever so gently, that just because I’m not the coach of a team right now doesn’t mean He can’t or won’t or doesn’t want to continue using me to minister to people through the game that I love. So yesterday I was on the beach playing a little game of 3 v 3 with some of my squad mates, and this European couple came over to our court and asked to join. We of course welcomed them into our game, and proceeded to play and get to know one another over the next 30 minutes or so. I told them who we are, what we’re doing, and who we follow (hey Jesus!). After our game, I prayed over them. They were so receptive, and it was awesome! As I walked away, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me again. He said, Girl, that was ministry. That pleases me. I’m still using you in this sport. It just looks a little different than it has before. And you know what? Throughout the day, I found myself praying for so many people on that beach, in Jesus’ name. As I laid my head on my pillow last night, I felt that nudge again. Megan, all of that was ministry today. All of that showed people who I am. All of that pleases me. Amen. Thank you Jesus. What a day.
So I sit here in the jungle of Unawatuna, Sri Lanka refocused. I miss my ministries at home, but I’m excited to serve my Savior in new and exciting ways here. God is so good.
Thanks for reading 🙂
