As most of you know I just got back from training camp. Let me tell you, it was quite the journey…
~Crazy facts~
- Early mornings/late nights.
- Breaking down camp almost daily (a lot of time in the dark).
- Morning team workouts.
- 2.2 mile hike with a 40lb pack in 38 minutes.
- Cold bucket showers, if you could find the time to squeeze one in.
- Lots of different foods… I ate a cricket with breakfast one morning.
- Hot, humid weather.
- Lots of lessons and lots of processing.
- Building a shelter out of tarps and ropes.
- Porta-potties. I’ll post a short story @ the bottom about the great fun that they are.
- Spiders…. Lots of spiders… And bugs in general.
So before training camp I had read a lot of blogs, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to expect… Boy was I wrong! It was a great experience, but it was definitely one of the hardest 10 days of my life!
The first few days were a whirlwind of emotions. The second night, I turned on my phone to set my alarm and it was flooded with texts from friends and family saying how much they already missed me. We were waking up early, working out, going to meals, going to about 3 sessions a day, doing team formation and team building. The schedule was tight. By day 3, I was thinking to myself, What. In. The. World. Did. I. Get. Myself. Into…? I was uncomfortable, hot, tired, sore, bloated from all the weird foods and processing a lot of emotions. The sessions dug deep down into your core, they wanted you to work through your fears, weaknesses, struggles and unforgiveness. I was only 3 days into camp and missed the comforts of home. At the end of day 3 I had a realization I was having a Peter moment.
*Side note I love Peter. I really relate to him, he was real, he would get scared but he would always try to take another step.*
I was so excited about partnering with God, going, serving, helping those in need, thinking of the highlights and what a great adventure this was going to be. I jumped out of the boat and ran onto the water. When I got to training camp, reality hit me like the storm *This is going to be hard.. I’m going to be uncomfortable and I’m going to have to die to myself* Like Peter I had jumped out but then my eyes drifted to myself and the scary adventure I had stepped into. In that moment during worship, I bawled my eyes out. I had a real and honest conversation with God. I said ” God, I know you called me to this, But man this is hard… I don’t want to leave my family and friends. I don’t want to be this uncomfortable… (Lets be honest.. Who loves being uncomfortable? No one.) But I do want to go and serve, I do want to follow where you lead, I do want to trust you. So God I’m asking that you help me die to myself, my wants and even my “needs”.” I prayed that prayer and it was HARD because at that moment in time I was uncomfortable and wanted to just go home. God spoke to me heart during worship. He needed me to step out and have greater trust, to be ready to serve selflessly, to be humble and He needed me to truly die to myself. I think its funny that He had this encounter with me on the 3rd day and Jesus rose from the dead on the third day. But on that day I truly gave God my full yes to this crazy journey He is about to take me on.
Boy, God is faithful though! The day after this encounter with God I opened up to some teammates about having a hard time and wanting to be done. They immediately prayed over me and encouraged me. I not only have God going on this incredible journey with me but, He surrounded me with a beautiful community. I’m not in this alone. In the midst of chaos, being uncomfortable and processing, He draws near. He becomes my comfort, peace and shelter. He gave me a peace that was unwavering, knowing that I was walking out His hearts desire for me. Over the next week God continued to stretch me and work on my heart but it felt different because I was really truly committed to the Up’s and downs this journey will have in store. I know even on the worst days that my God is faithful!
I encourage you to do hard things. Even though growth is uncomfortable and can be painful, God is faithful and He will open your eyes. You will see the boarders that once held you back were only the beginning and the journey ahead is beyond imagination!
The song head to heart pretty much sums up where I’m at 🙂
“From the head to the heart
You take me on a journey
Of letting go
And getting lost in you
There’s no shame
In looking like a fool
When I give you what I can’t keep
To take a hold of you”
Ok I promised a porta potty story. So the porta potties almost always had spiders in them, so I got into the habit of doing a spider check, seeing where they were and how many. It kinda felt like being on fear factor, It made me clausterphobic shutting myself in a porta potty with spiders… I really would have preferred going outside to be honest. So one day I went in and to my surprise doing my spider check the stall was empty *whoop!* I go in sit down and **BAM** a big spider jumps down from the top corner… I kid you not.. This is the moment, I knew I had lost my mind… *I said to the spider* Yes I spoke to a spider audibly…. “Whoa there homie, I need you to calm down and stay in your corner!” He chilled, but I then realized I had just yelled at a spider during the lunch time potty rush with a line waiting outside the stall… I made no explanation upon leaving the stall. I just kept walking. True story..
