Here is my brother Tony:
This is his story:
“My childhood did the most damage and it reflected my youth and into my early adult life. I can see God’s mercy now and His love through all of the years.
I had a normal Macedonian childhood for that time when I was growing up. My dad was strict but felt that he didn’t spend enough time with me in order for him to be strict. I only saw him like 2 hours a day. I started making choices on my own without my parents. I put on a mask that everything was okay, but everything was not okay.
I started out doing small things. I would get other kids to do stupid things, punish the kids, then I personally started stealing, lying to my parents, smoking cigarettes, and staying away from home which was like going on “adventures.” I craved independence.
I attended normal school and high school. Throughout this time I had a lot of misunderstandings with my parents, I never listened to them. I was wrestling in my head thoughts about them. I was trying to figure out if they loved me enough, if they loved my sister more, if I was worthy enough to be loved by them = all of these things just circling in my head, which drove me more into independence. I started lying more, began hard-core drinking in high school, and fell into sinful relationships with girls/mistreated them/didn’t even see them as people sometimes.
When I left home to go “study,” I realized my parents were obligated to pay for my studies. However, it was my life and I wanted to do what I wanted even if they were paying for my studies. I didn’t care. I was responsible for my own life.
While doing my studies the search for everything that was interesting grew in me. I searched for spirituality, relationships, knowledge, new friends, drugs and everything that goes with them. These were the most drastic measures for damage in my life. I smuggled drugs; it was very risky, but it was adventurous and I liked it. Selling drugs, drinking, smuggling across boarders. I risked my life everyday of possibly getting caught by the police just for the aventure. I began using heroin first, then cocaine came and I wanted more and more cocaine. I explored all of the solutions to enjoy life: partying, prostitutes, discoteks, etc. I hurt a lot of people around me, no one wanted to be my friend, helper, or supporter except for my parents. They made a big sacrifice to have me back home and stand by me. And they did it because I was their son.
I was trying to quit with their help. I was home for 7-8 years and at this point was only taking methadone. (*In Macedonia, methadone is given out daily for free by clinics set up by the government for “treatment.”*) I was not happy though, I was empty. Deep inside of me I was thinking that my life had no more purpose anymore. I felt stuck and I wasn’t doing anything that filled my heart.
I always had a desire to understand the spiritual realm around me. Is it real? Or is it just energy? Or just a story someone invented? I was missing a good explanation and good teaching about spiritual life.
Towards the last year of therapy with methadone; several times, I met people that testified about God. How He is powerful and willing and able to change lives of people. Usually they would say “if there is a hope for me then there is a hope for you too Tony!” I was happy for them but not happy enough because I didn’t feel it on my skin.
In 2013 by God’s Grace only, I came to listen and to learn something from the Bible and for my life; what God has for my life. What I know/remember is that some calm spirit was given to me to listen carefully, to test, and for me to try it on my own. By the instruction of my brothers and sisters in the church and by God’s guidance, His holy spirit, I was told to pray and they prayed for me in the Name of Jesus, they prayed for my heart to be open. I did this for a few nights. I prayed with effort not to hide anything from God or myself but to share with Him all of the stories of my life. It’s only God and me, He knows it already. In those few nights while I prayed like that, I felt a change in my heart. I cried; not an angry cry or a sad cry, a cry because I felt no more pain. I was crying because God was melting my heart. One of those nights while I was praying I just felt a strange warmth in my chest, but it became hotter and hotter until my whole inner being was warm and I began to pray and worship Jesus. Those were the first moments I felt that someone had stood by me.
After that, I started to be more and more dependent on that experience with Jesus and that experience grew a sense in me to spend more time with Him. To read more of the Bible, invest more time with people/believers, and to spend some special time with other friends who had suffered with addiction. Then I realized that I was willing to change.
God in the beginning changed lots of things very fast. I testified that in a few days I was free from the fear of addiction. Even though the process of total healing lasted a bit more, His promises stood firm!
The first 2 years God’s testimony for my life was to change how people in the community saw me. Also, I had the priviledge to spend 6 months in missions with YWAM. I was greatly encouraged to meet brothers and sisters from other parts of the world and to enjoy our time together.
These last 2 years, my life has taken a new direction. I got married and had a daughter. I tried to serve them the best I could as my wife and my daughter. Also, I thank God a lot for those situations or moments when I can testify to someone else, to share of God’s Glory. I realized that as we can grow serving in church community, we can also grow serving between our homes and neighborhoods too.
In this last year, I’ve prayed a lot not to rush my life, but to trust God when I stay in His presence. That He will do what is the best for me and I am only to listen and obey. Until today, I can testify that His promises are firm!”
Prayer Requests:
*To be prepared for the next chapter of my life, clarity from God
*Unity and love in my family
*Blessings for me, Gordana my wife, and Elisavetha (Macedonian version of Elizabeth) my daughter
Please join me in praying for Tony and his beautiful family! He is truly an awesome brother in Christ and is so faithful to the Lord!
