On my first morning home after the Race I woke up at 5am in my own bed, in my own room, in Pennsylvania and I didn’t know how to feel.
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On my second morning, I was woken up by my alarm at 5:12am with pretty much the same sensation.
It’s been good to be home; however, I don’t know exactly how to act. I’m a completely different person in the same body. I’m quieter, more reserved, more contemplative. I have different outlooks and opinions. I’m not the old Megan I used to be.
That being said, I’m so excited to see people and tell them about my adventure but then there is a huge part of me that is super anxious to see people. I don’t know the root of the anxiousness, it’s just there.
People keep texting me, how are you, so happy you are home how does it feel to be in your house/in your own bed?! Physically, it feels great, but something is missing. I’m surrounded by my wonderful family but something deep down feels missing.
I miss my squad. I miss waking up in a different country every few weeks and being surrounded by my squad mates.
My family has been so supportive, trying their best to ask (or not ask) questions and making sure they’re doing what they need to in order to make me feel at home. This is my home, physically, but spiritually I don’t feel at home. I don’t know how to describe that more in depth. I don’t know how to always express my feelings. I sometimes just go up in my room and sit there because I don’t know what else to do.
Being home is great, really truly great. I have missed the basic necessities and freedom that we have all the time. I just long for something more, because I know there IS more to life than this. God has created me for a purpose in this life. He has given me a dream that will bring Glory and Honor to Him and I’m excited to seek after it wholeheartedly. I know I need to focus on my present circumstance. I’m home and it’s the week of Thanksgiving. A week of seeing family and friends and reflecting on all of the great things Abba Father does for us. It’s a time for dreaming, but also being in tune with the Spirit and all that He wants me to do while I’m home. My family says they don’t feel too different, I’ve noticed subtle changes, but I’m the person that they need to adjust being around.
This post is in no way bashing my family or me being mad that the Race is over. The Race isn’t the end all be all. Was it one of the best years of my life? Absolutely, hands down but that’s only because it’s the most recent thing I’ve experienced.
There is more to life than just the Race.
Life goes on and gets to be even better
than the Race. The Race is not the pinnacle of my life, it’s just another chapter in this beautiful love story between the King and His daughter, a Father and His precious child.
