Before I dive into this long, heartfelt blog, I wanted to give you all some fundraising updates. As of tonight, I have raised $5,221 THANKS TO ALL OF YOU! Words cannot express how thankful I am for all of your generous support! 🙂 Also, I AM STILL SELLING T-SHIRTS, $20 each ($22 for 2XL and 3XL) I CAN SELL CHILDREN’S sizes (I’ll just need to sell 13 of them)! 🙂 Thank you all SO much, this trip would not be possible without all of you! 🙂 Now, onto my blog! {disclaimer, this is my 3rd attempt typing this because they keep getting deleted 🙁 }
Life has been very crazy, stressful, overwhelming, insert any other similar emotions here. Satan is definitely at work. He is NOT happy that I have made this commitment to the Lord for next year. He is attacking my confidence, body image, emotions, everything. He is not just attacking me at home, he is mostly attacking me at work. It is very difficult to go to a job day in and day out where you are under-appreciated and feel like no matter what you do it is never enough or makes no difference. Work is very difficult to be at right now and I am counting down the days to December when I leave, and God doesn’t want us to live that way! Satan is not just attacking me either, he has his sights on my entire team with health scares, relationship issues, problems with fundraising, the list goes on. It has been a tough couple of weeks for sure.
I have been trying to look for outlets to get closer to God amidst this turmoil. I have tried doing Bible studies and reading books to help me; however, I will admit that I have not done as much as I wanted to. My prayer life has definitely been suffering, I NEED to fix it. I am going to be trying a new “Christian” diet called the Daniel fast, but have not started it yet. I have also been trying to listen to more contemporary worship; however, currently country music wins that battle most of the time.
I will say that God spoke to me at church this past Sunday, which He totally knew I needed to hear what He had to tell me. The Old Testament Lesson was 1 Kings 19:1-15a; however, it was verses 11-12 that really stuck with me:
“11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
I totally feel like Elijah lately. A little background on what Elijah is going through up to this point. Elijah killed off the prophets because he felt they no longer were focused on God. People where upset and wanted him dead. Elijah fled for his life into the wilderness and was so low, that he called out to the Lord to take his life. However, that was NOT God’s plan. An angel appears to Elijah, builds him up with strength and Elijah sets out on a 40 day journey, following the Lord’s direction. We now find Elijah in a cave and this is where the passage above happens.
Just to clarify a few things: 1) I am not fleeing for my life because I killed people 2) I am not super depressed/want God to take my life. I resonate with Elijah because he is running, he is lost, he has his back against the wall. THAT is how I feel, thanks to Satan, unfortunately.
I am overwhelmed with all of the things I have to do for the race and feel I have no time to accomplish them. I am SO tired of going to work, and not wanting to be there, like ever. I am worn down, discouraged, feel my faith is being tested, and just not as happy as I want to be. I am about to embark on a once in a lifetime experience and I can’t even focus on being happy/excited because of all that needs to be done.
HOWEVER, I know that God, amongst all of this chaos is with me. HE’S RIGHT HERE, by my side, will never leave or forsake me, or let me go. His righteous right hand is always extended and arms wide open to draw me near. That is SO reassuring. We surely have an awesome, amazing, never-failing God! Praise Jesus!
There is also a song that has been an encouragement lately and kind of relates to life right now. “Breathe,” by Jonny Diaz. I will put in the Youtube link below! You should listen to it, on repeat! 🙂
I am Elijah, but that still, gentle whisper is what is going to get me through! Thank you all so much for reading! Please continue to lift myself, my team, and the communities we will be in next year! Thank you so much for joining me on this adventure, it would not be possible without your support both prayerfully and financially!
God Bless you all! ~ Meg 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf3sJGF7fmo
