I had just spent 2 full days with my family for USMC graduation down in San Diego. We had an amazing time as a family, but the first day with them I would think about heading back to the Race and I would get a sinking feeling in my gut and an urge to cry that I wasn’t supposed to go back. Isn’t that weird? That’s something I’ve been doing for 9 months with the same 25 people, I shouldn’t be feeling weird. I talked to my mom, messaged my team, we began to pray against it because we believed God wants me back there. I had stuff still to do, I had 2 more months to go.
I packed up my stuff Friday night, and left San Diego Saturday morning to begin my trip to Trijillo Peru. I felt all right, but something was off, and I couldn’t tell you what. As soon as I sat down on my first plane headed to Mexico City, I knew it was a bad idea. I got super anxious, distressed, conflicted, and I felt this huge heavy weight just absorb my body. You know that feeling of impending doom and you need the leave an area immediately? That was similar. I wanted to cry, run out of the plane as soon as we pulled up to the gate. My mind was spinning a million miles a minute trying to get myself under control. I knew I had to call my mom and my coach. I wanted one of them to either make everything better or tell me to come home. I needed someone’s support desperately.
In the plane, I prayed pretty much the whole 4+ hours down there, trying to fight this battle that was raging. I didn’t understand it, I would pray bold prayers, with authority, and beg God for His peace and comfort if this is where He wanted me. It wasn’t coming. I would even just repeat, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. I need You.”
As soon as I got through the gate, I found a quiet spot, some chairs, and WiFi and called my mom. I broke down, I was a mess. I told her I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t go on. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I told her about everything I felt on the plane, and how it was still plaging me. I told her I kept praying and there was nothing. I told her I wanted to come home. She encouraged me, she tried to understand how I was feeling. After a bit, she told me I can come home, and that weight on my body vanished. I told her the second it left and she began to cry too. She put my dad on the line, he told me to go buy the quickest ticket to the States. He was willing to drive back to Tijuana for me if I needed him to.
I messaged my coaches and she called me right away. She listened to me ramble and cry, she helped me verbally process what decision I was going to make. She prayed for me, and she supported me. Her husband was even messaging me, their support is amazing.
After more phone calls, more tears, people looking at the strange girl with bloodshot eyes crying on the phone, pacing the floors, I made the toughest decision of my little life yet, I chose to go home, back to the U.S.A.
I bought a one way ticket from Mexico City to L.A. to Las Vegas. I called my mom and asked her to pick me up on their way to Salt Lake through Vegas.
I was still questioning God if this was the right decision, even though I didn’t have that weight or sinking feeling in my gut. Why, why would You have my go home, God? As soon as I sat down on that plane to the States, I remembered the dream my mom told me about at the very beginning of my Race:
She messaged me one day around month 1 or 2 and she said she had a dream where I called her crying and saying I was done with the Race, and asked her to pick me up in Vegas. Although I laughed it off, there would have to be a serious reason to get me to leave the Race early, and even then, why would I fly into Vegas when I should be flying into Salt Lake City? Strange.
Until I remembered it. It all made sense. My mom prophetically dreamed the end of my World Race, and we didn’t know it. I knew right then, I had made the right decision, even though it might not look like it to some people. This is how this chapter ends. Who knew, and so sudden? I was never supposed to go to Peru and Bolivia, and that’s okay. I’m home, I don’t have a plan, I don’t have any idea what I want to do. But I’m home, and I’m ready for ministry. These past couple months God has been asking me for a deeper trust in Him, and apparently this is just another subject of trusting Him. He’s not making sense in my mind right now, but I know that down the road He will reveal His plan step by step. The first act of deep trust for me this month was turning around.
Welcome back home, Megan.
Anyone have any ministry positions open? I’m available.
