“Have you prayed about it?” is a phrase common in the Christian community. Each time I go to my mom and ask for some advice, or a decision I have to make “Well, just pray about it.” Ugh Mom, I need an answer right now. (Probably not but I’m working on my patience skills.)
You know when you hear strong pastors praying over their church with such reverence and fire?
I’ve wished I could be that kind of prayer warrior. I always have.
Ask me to pray and I will, I’ll just stumble over my words and worry if I say something wrong.
And that’s okay. It’s taken a while for me to learn that. Prayer isn’t a show we put on to impress other Christians. It is a powerful tool. Prayer is vital. It’s our access to our Creator. It strengthens us; strengthens others. It comforts me on my darkest nights, it’s how I tell my God how much I love Him.
If it’s just me and God in a room and no one else, I can talk to Him like my best friend. I’ve had requests sent up to Him, answers have come back as an immediate yes, a quiet no, and there are requests that I’m still waiting for an answer on.
My relationship with God has gotten better because of prayer. And let me point out that prayer is so much more than just something we do before we fall asleep at night, (there’s no problem with that either) it’s constant communication with our Lord. As if we don’t ever stop praying. First of all, that is something new to me too. I would only pray before bed, or if someone asked me to.
The more I spent time with the Lord, the more I talked to Him. I would be at work making dressings or placing an order or who knows what and catch myself praying about something silently. It’s that little action that gets me through some tough days, that bring me a little joy, and remind me of His goodness. At any time I have access to God. I love prayer.
So now fundraising is something I’ve been talking about a lot on my social media, (sorry not sorry, I need to get to Ukraine) it’s a huge step in faith and takes a lot of prayer. I did it once for my Haiti trip and now it’s time for it again. I went into it thinking “I got this, I got time. I don’t have any doubts that I’ll come up with $18,100. If it’s God’s will for me to go, then He will provide.” There is truth in that sentence, God will meet our needs according to His will. Even though I was thinking that, deep down I really did doubt that I would reach these goals I had set.
Sunday night I was making a prayer list. Sometimes my prayers are just all over the place and these were some super important things I wanted to pray over every day. When I got to the fundraising section I had a deep conviction about the doubt in my heart. I prayed, “God, I am sorry for doubting that You would provide for me. I’m letting go of this and putting this in Your hands.” And I left it at that.
God is teaching me to leave things in His hands all the time. My worrying isn’t going to change His will. My fervent prayer isn’t for God to change His mind, it’s to change me. He amazes me with His goodness every day. On Monday, the very next day He answered my prayer way more than I expected. He never fails to show me how good He is when I need it most. Yes, I will still pray for my fundraising, but I won’t have that doubt in my heart I started with.
I need to not pick up what I’ve already laid down at His feet.
