As I have mentioned in a blog I posted early January, I am on a pursuit for deeper intimacy with Jesus. I believe by diving deeper in my relationship with Him, I will be able to experience more and more freedom in my life, as well as invite others to join me in this pursuit for freedom in their own lives.
With that said, finding quiet time can be really difficult on the world race. Each month we are placed somewhere different. We could be living at a cute little cottage with plenty of yard space to roam, or it could be a tiny house filled with 22 people and nowhere to go to be alone. You really have to get creative, and maybe even sacrifice some sleep to find your alone time with Jesus.
This month we are staying at the office of Campus Crusade For Christ in Gabarone, Botswana. It’s a tiny little house with three bedrooms, bathroom and a kitchen. We are super grateful to be inside and to have the luxuries of a toilet and shower. However, space to be alone is still limited.
One morning I went outside, grabbed a white plastic chair and placed it on the side of the house. This was as good as it was going to get to sit and be with Jesus. As I began to clear my mind and invite Jesus into a conversation, I was blown away by how he answered. He spoke to me through ants.
I opened my eyes and observed that at my feet were thousands of ants. They were walking in a line coming and going from a little bush to my left. As much as I hate ants, I think it is incredible how they can all walk in a line like that, all day, everyday. But what really caught my attention was the handful of ants that were out of line. They appeared to walk around freely, seemingly in pursuit of something.
In that moment I felt Jesus calling me to be like the ants that were out of line. He reminded me of the verses in Matthew 7:13-14, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”
It can be so tempting to follow along with what everyone else is doing; graduating from college, finding a steady job, getting married and starting a family. If I am honest, that is the life I originally desired. I always wanted to be serving Jesus, but I wanted it to be in my control and in my realm of comfort. However, as I got closer to Jesus through high school, I had a feeling my life was not going to be in my control or even comfortable. I always had an itch to get out of the line.
Now, here I am, trying this “out of line life” by writing to you on my sleeping pad in a small, hot room in Africa. I do not know what my future exactly holds, but each day Jesus provides me with a reassurance that it’s okay. I am right where he wants me because I am in pursuit of a deep and intimate relationship with him. I hope to always choose the narrow and unpredictable path that leads to life and freedom.
Where does He want you? Maybe it is to be serving him through finding a steady job, or getting married and starting a family. That’s great; pursue him through that with all your heart. Or maybe it is signing up for a program that will take you all over the world. I think the key is to avoid being comfortable. Do not resort to being like everyone else in line; they are pursuing security and comfort through things that are so temporary (money, relationships, jobs, material things, success). When we surrender our control, our “perfect plan” and our comfort, we create space for Jesus to move in.
During this race, I have found that in my discomfort Jesus becomes my comfort. I have found that as I continually lay things at his feet- fear, doubt, plans, comparison, and expectations- I walk in greater freedom. Do not walk in a line, friends, walk in freedom!
