First off, Happy Thanksgiving!
I am so thankful for all of you who are taking the time to read this blog and catch up on my journey!
Thanksgiving is my favorite. I absolutely love separating one day from all the others to intentionally gather and share in our gratefulness. And of course, the food’s not too bad either! This year my mom’s side of the family is coming together and will spend a few days eating, laughing, and catching up on each other’s lives. It is always a relaxing and refreshing time for the soul.
Today, I woke up in a house full of 22 lively humans. We said Happy Thanksgiving to each other and drooled over the food preparation for this evening’s meal. (We found a Turkey!). Despite all the giddiness, I woke up with a heaviness that I couldn’t seem to shake.
We walked over to our morning prayer time at the church, and it was not long before Jesus helped me understand my heaviness. After praying over a teammate, a man named Mark said that he could sense there were a few in our group experiencing some discouragement and homesickness. I thought to myself, “shoot, I think he’s talking about me.”
Up until today I have been doing really well with being away from home. I have missed my family and friends, but overall it has not overwhelmed me. That is, not until Mark read my soul like it was a page in a book.
All of a sudden, I was confronted with feelings I have been pushing down. Yes, I miss my family; yes, I want a hug from my parents right now; yes, I wish I could be there to celebrate with everyone; yes, this terrifies me to open up these feelings knowing I will have to wait for another 9 months to be reunited with people I love.
All of a sudden, the tears were falling. I did not invite them and I wished they would stop. I HATE crying in front of people. I’ll cry at goodbyes, or at sad movies, or in the proper situations, but not when I am the only one with my hand raised for being homesick. I felt too vulnerable, and a little silly.
Luckily, I was joined by a few other teammates who were also experiencing homesickness. It’s a real thing! Our squad came around us and encouraged us with prayer and kind words.
As funny as it sounds, I think Jesus gave me a little extra emotion today to teach me something. It’s okay to be seen.
Being the first to raise my hand and reveal my heart was uncomfortable. To be honest, it made me feel weak and awkward. I do not love being seen as those two things. I really enjoy encouraging and praying for people who feel down and discouraged, but it is hard for me when the roles are reversed. Yikes, Jesus still has a lot of work to do on me!
One thing that Mark said today that really stood out is that “Jesus is attracted to weakness.” Wow, that is so true! It is written all over the Bible. Read any story in the Gospel about healing, and you will see that truth. Also, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “But he said to me ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
This leads me to ask myself a question. When do I lay my weaknesses before God and others? Not enough, that is for sure. However, this morning I wanted more of Jesus and if that meant stepping out to be seen, then I was going to do it. I needed to let my teammates see the heaviness I was carrying this morning so that I could see Jesus’ power through their prayers, hugs and smiles.
Our creator is so sweet and he wants to show us that he cares, even for things like a little homesickness. All in all, I am thankful for my homesickness because it reminds me of the amount of love I have at home. Furthermore, telling my squad about it showed me how much love I have here. B Squad really is a huge blessing.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I am truly thankful for you!
