I should be on a plane heading toward Nicaragua right now. Instead, I woke up this morning with the news that the government has canceled our flights and revoked our visas. I have spent 8 months raving about this country, sharing stories with my teammates and looking forward to the day where my world race family could meet my Nicaraguan family. I chose this route because it had Nicaragua on the list.
But God has other plans, and I think today would have been a harder day if He did not already prepare my heart. Let me share how…
There was a morning where I went on a walk with Jesus through the hills of Wiang Pa Poa, Thailand. My mind was filled with the changes to come and all the expectations I had. I was hoping to have one more month with my team before we changed so I could be with them through Nicaragua. I also hoped to be placed somewhere close to Managua so I could easily visit my friends.
As I was sharing all these things with him, I felt Jesus say, “will you give those to me?”
Give you my expectations?? But does that mean we will have team changes and I’ll be placed far away from Managua? But I don’t want those things.
Eventually, he revealed to me that I was holding too tightly onto what I thought would make my world race great. He revealed to me that I was having selfish expectations, ones revolved around my wants and desires. By holding onto those too tightly, I would miss out on what he really wanted for me.
Before walking back to the house I laid those expectations at his feet, and felt a weight lifted.
The next day I heard the news that Nicaragua was having civil unrest. People were being killed in riots throughout the streets because the president wanted to make a change that would affect taxpayers.
I felt heavy again. I was pretty sure we would be rerouted and I would not be able to see all my friends there. In the midst of my worry and disappointment, Jesus reminded me of our conversation the day prior. Crazy how he works, right? He knew I needed that time of surrender to prepare me for the day to follow. He helped me change my prayers from a selfish perspective, to one that was praying for the leadership of the country and the root of all the chaos to be destroyed.
As the month continued there was no news of route changes; but, recent events in the last few days caused the travel alert to go from a 3 to a 4. Which means no visas are available and foreigners are not allowed in the country.
I am so thankful for Jesus and how he walks with us and comforts us in highs and lows. I felt him with me as my coach told me the news this morning. Instead of anger I was filled with peace, and instead of despair I was filled with hope.
So, here I am, adjusting to another change and I can honestly say I am doing well. I am sad about missing my friends, but I am excited to be on this adventure with Jesus. We are now going to Panama and I have no doubt that is where we are supposed to be this month.
I am glad to have learned more about selfish expectations verses Godly expectations. I want to be living a life that revolves around God’s wants and desires, not my own. Plus, my track record does show that his ways are way better than my own. I cannot wait to share with you all about how my shattered expectations turn into something beautiful.
Thanks so much for reading, and please pray for my squad and I as we head into a very unknown month. Pray for good attitudes through all these changes, and sensitivity to Holy Spirits moving!
Hasta Luego!
