The number one question I get asked when telling people about World Race is, why? Why are you going? So forgive my jumbled thoughts, but here is my best attempt at an explanation.
Turns out college hasn’t been exactly like I thought it would be. While attending my first university, a lot of factors led to it feeling like it just wasn’t a good fit. So I transferred back home, surely that would fix the problem. My first semester in Boulder was actually great. I had a home church, a better community, a better sense of self. But I couldn’t help the feeling that I wasn’t doing what I wanted with my life. A second major change, that would be better, right? Psychology certainly suits me better, yet I couldn’t rid myself of the feeling that there had to be more for me. There had to be something that would set my soul on fire. After a lot of prayer and a lot of ignoring God’s voice in the back of my head, I realized that the fire in my heart was the same thing it had been for a long time. Jesus. I couldn’t tell you if there was an exact moment I knew; it was more of a gradual affirmation that HE was the only answer. I was blessed with a big heart for people, and a big heart for Jesus and the Gospel. He was calling me to ministry and to mission. Asking me to give up what I knew for something unknown and uncomfortable. I started doing some research and on a suggestion from a friend I applied to the World Race! And… I didn’t get it. But God had bigger plans for me, (go figure).
I quickly fell into the darkest season of my life. I was so anxious I felt like I couldn’t breathe most days. I felt depressed, stuck, and hopeless. I was angry at God for putting something on my heart and then ripping it out of my hands. After a lot of denial, pain, heartache, and hiding from the Lord, I finally decided that enough was enough. I started seeing a counselor regularly, and over time the Lord did amazing works in my heart and in my relationship with Him. I experienced more healing than I could ever explain or describe.
I explored a lot of options, and out of nowhere felt a tug on my heart to give the World Race another try. I honestly didn’t think I was going to get it until I received my acceptance call. And here I am!
I have no idea how or why everything will fall into place, but I do know that I have a God who will provide as long as I only have faith. So now I wait. It feels strange, and stressful, and uncomfortable, waiting and wondering. I feel unprepared and unqualified and yet, I’ve never been so sure of something.
John 11:40
“Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?’”
