First I would like to say I am sorry for not posting last week, but the way timing, travel, and WiFi worked out it was impossible. Thank you all for being patient and there will be two blog post for you to read this weekend! One will contain mostly the logistics of my new ministry and photos but if you only read one of them I would recommend this one. God is working some amazing things in me and through me. My prayer is that this post not only informs you about my spiritual journey on this trip, but opens your heart to the power and presence of our very real God.
Our ministry for the last week has been working with sex trafficked women (you can read more about this is the next blog post). This is heavy work, both emotionally and physically because of the manual labor I was doing and I was lacking energy/time to be intentional in my relationship with Christ. This is an obviously dangerous place to be that left me feeling stale and purposeless. I am the type of person who will forget to check on myself (emotionally and spiritually) for two reasons: I am too preoccupied caring for other’s needs or I am scare to find that I am not okay. This past week was a prime example of this.
When took the time to slow down and see how I was doing finally, I found that God felt far away. For those of you who don’t know, Quito is in political turmoil right now and we were unable to travel for about 8 days because it was dangerous and roads were blockaded due to riots. Technically I am at my mid-point debrief currently, but we couldn’t leave the city of Quito. But praise God because he had a plan and a purpose for everything, and this promise manifested in my life.
The directors of Dunamis (home for sex trafficked/abused women) invited us to worship on their rooftop one night. It was cold, there were no railings, we could have been complaining, but instead we praised the Lord and prayed over Quito. Now I will be honest, I have spiritual highs and then I have the lows were I doubt the existence of God. Not easy to admit out loud and post online where it will never be truly gone but yes, I have doubted the existence of God. This night was a high. The Lord put on my heart that I was the 1 out of the 99 He came to seek out, lead, and love. I cannot explain the heavenly love I felt as I watched the lights of Quito glisten in the night as I marveled at the creation of God infected by sin and wondered to myself “if this is our temporary home, how much more beautiful is heaven going to be?”
My prayer and challenge for myself this entire trip has been greater intimacy with the Lord and to grow in my relationship with Him. And as I marveled at this beautiful creation and sang His praises the song Defender made me understand a new side to His character. These are the lyrics that brought me to tears,
“All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still
Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better Your way”.
Our God only asks for praise, we can literally do nothing else for Him. And in our praise comes obedience to His word and law because once we can grasp how much He truly sacrificed for us, His praises and the obedience to the laws made in accordance to Christ character follow naturally. And in that moment I used the authority given to me by Christ in Matthew to expel all thoughts and feelings in my head from the enemy in His name and I was filled with the Holy Spirit.
I had only known this feeling once before which was a month and a half ago when Christ blessed me with the healing of my knee that was never meant to be painless. It is a feeling of surreal warmth where time stands still yet speeds up at the same time. And as I was starring at this beautiful sight knowing that God’s very real presence was there we sang our final song called So Will I.
“And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I”
Little did I know God was about to make creation obey Him in a BIG Way for His daughter.
After worship, we had a devotional that was about none other than being intimate with the Lord. As my Grandpa says, “God’s Perfect Timing”. One thing that I love about the Bible is that you can read a verse 100 times and it can all the sudden click and you can understand it in the most personable of ways. This happened to me with Psalm 139, you knit me together in my mother’s womb, you had a plan before I was in existence. I felt so seen and heard, I know I am the 1 out of the 99. To seek greater intimacy we were asked to ask sit with God quietly for 10 minutes and ask Him to reveal something new about His character to us. He had some other plans for me, He put on my heart to go outside and I was just like ummm… okay? So while everyone stayed inside in the nice warm house I was outside sitting on the pavement conversing with God. This is about how that went, “okay God, I’m out here freezing for You. What do want to show me?” Nothing happened. Then this wave on true conviction and repentance came over me pointing out my lacking intentionality with the Lord and how I needed Him. This is where I started crying very real tears and without realizing I was singing Lord I Need you poured out of my mouth. And while I sang “Lord I need you, oh I need you. Every hour I need you. My one defense, my righteousness, oh God how I need you” I was questioning in my head, where are you Lord? I am here, please show yourself.
Remember the last song I sang that was about if creation sings God’s praises so will I? Well, I quit singing and the wind coming through the mountains began to sing in a low organ like sound the continuation of Lord I Need You. At First I was like “what was that?” And looked around for anything else to be making those sounds and after a minute I accepted that it was creation singing with me in reverence to God or God showing me his power over His creation. Either way, I knew God was there with me in that moment and he said “are you going to keep doubting me Thomas?” Nope, haha. God you are real and present. You see me and know me more than myself, you understand I am stubborn and need you to be this present, you understand all my strengths and love me with the weakness caused by sin.
What more do I need? God has revealed himself to me through miracle healings, His audible voice, His omnipotence over the universe. Thank you Lord for the testimonies you have given me in order that I may proclaim your praises and be a small, minuscule part of helping your kingdom come.
