WHY? Friday morning when the news was broadcasting on the Santa Fe high school shooting, I heard that someone I knew, who is loved by so many and hosted as a foreign exchange student by one of my best friends, hadn’t responded to any calls or messages. My heart became heavy and all I could do was pray. I pleaded and begged God that maybe she just ran and left her phone in the class room. I then heard that the shooting happened in the department she had her first class in. When news like that comes, it’s hard to keep hope…but I kept hoping, kept praying and asked those around me to pray. After hours of waiting, we got the news.
My heart sunk, my eyes got blurry and I couldn’t speak. I just began to break. God has given me such a love for this sweet girl. Having been an exchange student and hosting 3 students in our own home since my junior year of high school, I have a love for other people groups and cultures. One of the main reasons I am going on the world race is because of my love for the nations and all people. God created us all in His image, designed specifically for the purpose he has set out for us. I don’t see color, I don’t see race, I don’t see disabilities-I see children of God. To hear that the boy who did this only targeted those he didn’t like, left me hurt, broken, and so so angry. But I know that no matter what his motive could have been besides that, there is no excuse to take another human life, let alone 10 and my hurt and anger would still be the same.
I question why God took these 10. Why that day? Why in that way? I pray every day that they all knew the Lord. That maybe even in their last moments, they spoke the name of Jesus. But I may never know on this side of heaven. Somehow I just have to trust in God’s plan.
I honestly don’t know how to mourn correctly for something like this. I feel like my entire being is full of hurt and angry emotions. I hurt, my heart hurts. I hurt inside for the family of Sabika and all her friends in Pakistan. I hurt for her host family, my friends. I hurt for the other families and friends of the other children and teacher who were killed that day. And I’m so angry. How does someone cope with a tragedy like this? I suppose time will help? But will my anger for this boy who took so many lives ever go away? I don’t know.
I ask that you pray alongside me for these families, friends and for peace for every child and teacher involved. I ask that you pray that God gives all of us an understanding of how to deal with this tragic event. And, as difficult as this is to ask, I ask that you pray for the boy who did this.
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
