The past 7 days, I’ve felt a lot of pain. I have been brought to the point of tears and outwardly yelling at God because of the physical pain I felt. I was angry and didn’t understand why I was injured.
About 5 days into the Camino De Santiago, my brain started to sense an unbearable shooting pain from my left leg. Having already walked over 50km and still having over 400 to go, I was frustrated. I walked the path alone on day 5 to Frómista, an 18km day, and experienced the debilitating pain of an intense shin splint. The kilometers seemed to never end. I stopped every 20 minutes to try to massage the pain out and nothing helped.
Oh man, I was angry at God. I knew this month in Spain was a promise from God. I knew he was going to heal things in me, I knew he was going to bring back sweet memories and make me fall even more in love with Spain every step I took. But this isn’t how I imagined it would go. As I finished out this excruciating day and the days following, while fighting against the pain, the Lord began to reveal to me why I was in pain.
On day 4, we were in a city called Castrojeríz — a cute little city on a hill. We got there pretty early, checked into our albergue (pilgrim hostel) and got settled. After being there a few hours, a man showed up and was constantly budding into my questions and conversation with the albergue owner. He would translate what the man was saying as though I didn’t understand Spanish and it drove me up a wall since I was obviously understanding and responding in Spanish. How could he not see I spoke his language?? I was annoyed so I just tried to avoid him. The next morning, a few hours into my walk, as I sat to rest my leg because of the pain, I saw him approaching me on the trail…I tried to keep my eyes down but that didn’t stop him from stopping to talk to me. I tried to be kind but didn’t know what to say. As he stood in front of me, one of his friends came up to me and asked if I was ok. I told him that I was in a lot of pain and my leg hurt a lot. He quickly whipped his pack around and took out some ibuprofen and cream I could put on my leg. In that moment, I was very quickly humbled. If this man hadn’t stopped to talk to me, would his friend have stopped to help me? The Lord used him to help me while I was holding my frustration against him.
This pain has also caused me to slow down. Walking fast isn’t bad…but I think sometimes, especially as Americans, (myself in particular) can get so caught up in efficiency and getting stuff done that we miss the beauty around us. This injury has caused me to have to slow down and to enjoy the view. I love creation. I love the sunrise and I love the stars. I have had to slow down because of my leg and from that, I have received blessings that have been so incredible and simply unforgettable. I will never forget watching the sunrise and conquering a mountain with AbbyLin, laughing and standing in awe of our God the whole way. I will never forget standing with Maddie in the pitch black morning and watching shooting star after shooting star graze the sky. And I will never forget my new friend, Son from China, who taught me a song about Jesus as we walked 17km together to Calzadilla de la Cueza.
And although I know there are probably many more reasons why I am injured, I’ll finish with this. Letting go of control. This has been a theme on my whole race and this is yet another example of the Lord stripping me of control. I am unable to move quickly and if I do, I hurt myself. I am unable to do some things I can normally do. I have to trust my teammates and let them take control. I have to drop my pride and allow them to serve me sometimes when I can’t move or simply shouldn’t — this may sound weird but this is hard for me. I am a server…I do for others (the shift in motives has been huge over the race) but even though my motives are good now, I still have to learn to let others serve me too.
This injury has been tough, it has been frustrating. But seeing what God is growing in me through it, makes it all worth it. I’m thankful for the pain, I’m thankful for the growth.
