We are 6 days, 5 walking days, from the end of the Camino De Santiago…but this means a lot more than the end of a month. This means the end of the race. We are less than 2 weeks out from flying home — that’s WILD. To think that 11 months has come and gone so quickly, yet so slowly, is mind blowing to me and all my squad mates. Thinking about the end of the race is thinking about the end of another chapter, the end of a season, and stepping into a new chapter.
That’s SCARY.
I’m getting weepy just thinking about how overwhelming that thought is…coming home; for good.
What will it be like to stay in one place?
What will it be like to not have to pack up my things into one backpack every day or even every month? — that’s what we do on the Camino. Every. Day.
What will it be like to not have the same 23 people around me spurring me on and nudging me toward Christ constantly?
What will it be like to be with friends and family from home?
What will it be like to have to somehow, though virtually impossible, share the last 11 months of my life in a quick sentence as to not bore anyone?
What will it be like when people don’t want to hear what God did? Whether that be on the field or in my heart.
I’m scared folks. Really, really scared.
I thought I was going to write something completely different as I started this blog, so this must be the Lord. I’m laying on my bed, in probably the 20th bed I’ve slept on in the last 21 days, and I have tears streaming down my face because of the intense reality of what going home may look like. I know I will have support. I know I have people in my life who do care and these questions and feelings of fear don’t take anything away from those of you who I know care so deeply.
But I want you all to know, this ‘trip’ isn’t like any other trip I’ve ever taken. I know I’ve traveled a lot, I’ve been all over the globe, but I’ve never done something like this and going back to the states has never been this scary. This wasn’t just a trip like my past trips. This wasn’t just a ‘ooo, let’s go here’ moment. It was a ‘wow, God really wants to use me for His Kingdom’ moment.
So as I come back, I ask for patience as I try to wrap my own head around the experiences I had this last year. I ask for kindness and gentleness as I cry and mourn the closing of a season. And I ask for open ears and open hearts to hearing how God radically changed and blessed me through this process.
So, with all that said, I’ll see you soon, America.
