I was sitting in my parents kitchen eating lunch after finishing a short work day so I could prepare for the crawfish festival the next day.
I got a text.
I prayed and prayed and asked, pleaded, with the Lord to not let where my thoughts were wandering to be true. I didn’t know what else to do…there was nothing else I could do but plead with the Lord.
And then…
I got another text.
I screamed and fell out of my chair onto the floor. My dad and sister ran to me and wrapped me in an embrace…”she’s gone”, I sobbed. “I can’t believe she’s gone. How can this happen? How can this be true? WHY?” I kept sobbing and my sobs turned into cries of anger and pain.
I was numb.
I texted back…to try to comfort but had no idea what to say. What do you say to that? How do you comfort in that? But I tried.
I walked in a fog for a while after that…not knowing how to process, not knowing what to say about it or what to do. Not knowing how to best love the people close to me through it.
This is the nightmare I lived a year ago today when the Santa Fe High School shooting happened the morning of May 18, 2018.
I can’t believe it’s been one whole year.
That day is still ever so real to me and will always be in my memory.
Today as I sit in memory of Sabika. A girl who brought joy to every single room she walked in. A girl who loved no matter what you believed or where you came from. A girl who sought unity. A girl who wanted to, and is changing the world.
I mourn with my friends who hosted her as their own daughter and sister. I mourn with the other 9 families who lost someone on that day to that tragic and sick act of hatred. And I mourn with Sabika’s biological family in Pakistan who were anxiously awaiting her return home after a year abroad in just a few short weeks.
I believe that at times, the Lord has given me the ability to literally and physically FEEL the hurt others are feeling. Today, I feel that. Although I am thousands of miles away from Santa Fe, TX and closer, but still so many miles from Pakistan and the family that raised such an incredible young woman, my heart literally aches with the pain they are feeling on this day.
I may never truly understand the depth of the pain these families are feeling…but I want them to know, and anyone else who has walked through the pain of losing a loved one in this way, that I am interceding for you. My heart is with you. My pain is real and interceding for you. Your pain is real and it’s okay to feel it.
I pray that somehow, from thousands of miles away, the Father can use me to love you and tell you that He loves you and that He loves Sabika and every child and adult that died on May 18 last year.
And although this is hard to believe, He is in this. Somehow, this is for His glory. We may never fully understand until we stand with Him in glory but He has a purpose.
I pray for your hearts. I pray for peace. I pray for joy in the struggles. I pray for faithfulness to the Father. I pray that He speaks to you and loves you in a way today and onward that no one on earth ever could. I pray He embraces you in His ever present, strong, Daddy arms that will NEVER let you go. He will NEVER let you go. He loves you.
In honor of Sabika and all the victims of the Santa Fe High School shooting. In honor of the families, friends and students affected by this tragedy.
Peace to you. A peace that surpasses all of our human understanding. A peace that will flood your hearts and minds. I pray this over you today and each difficult day that follows.
