There are a lot of sermons and books with the intention of igniting the fire for Christ. They are absolutely necessary for a lot of people. But what if you’re already up in flames, yet also feeling low? The novelty of redemption wears off, and now the daily grind of being Christian sets in. This race is one of endurance.
Now there’s a standard and a sense of “I (should) know better.” No more excuses. The walls close in. Suddenly I’m adhering to a lot of rules, and also failing at following those rules. Each day is tallied up in wins and losses: sins versus time spent serving. Pride versus prayer. Flesh versus spirit.
How can the joy of the Lord be my strength if I’m missing the joy?
He died on the cross so that I can continue to bear the weight of my sins? No, of course not. My head knows that while my heart misses out.
What if I go on the Race and return more lost than how I started? That can’t happen- my Father will be there with me every step of the way. He’s got this. Or maybe I will come back lost. Wrecked and lost with eyes only for Him. Right now, my eyes dart to the left and to the right, seeking distraction.
Some people think the World Race is this crazy, adventurous, extreme thing. To me it’s just my life; it doesn’t feel radical. It’s simply the next step. I’m not some amazing person; I’m just choosing to show up. He’s amazing.
I crave the intensity and self-growth that comes with this God-chasing life. If I constantly seek out those intense highs, then I’m still trying to control Him and our relationship. Isn’t there a natural rhythm with lulls and highs? Aren’t the lulls completely necessary so I can emotionally process &put into practice the lessons from the peaks?
Behaviors and words are reflections of our hearts; for my actions and tongue to develop of the posture of humility, first my heart must experience that change.
He loves me when I’m witnessing or praying, and also when I’m sitting down doing absolutely nothing. Do I love me when I’m not actively serving? Do I believe that He loves me, even right after I say something completely cold hearted to an undeserving recipient?
I know in my head that His love is unchanging while my heart can’t comprehend.
The prayers I have for others are so often what I’m praying for myself. Behold a miracle, where the boldness and peace I’ve poured into others is now bestowed onto me.
I want to say, “I FINALLY get it.” But there is no “finally.” It’s God’s timing, and it is perfect. I am exactly where He wants me, and am in the heart of his will. This is the sweet spot.
The more I pray with others, the more I joy I gain, and somewhere, somehow, He’s filling me with His superior strength.
The stumbling blocks- the “losses,” the days where I tallied more sin than serving, are now the days when I experience the most grace. They become the days where I hand grace out more freely. My cruel words toward someone become the segue to a lot of prayer for them. (Yea, Mom, that means I pray a lot for you since you get my unfiltered mouth most often 😉 )
And, you know, it’s just too heavy. It’s too much pressure. And it’s meaningless anyway (read Ecclesiastes).
Here, Lord, take this burden. Deliver me from myself.
In just 12 short&long weeks, I’ll be out of your hair with these wonderings, and instead bombarding you with stories of long travel days and tales of language barrier complications.
