Some days I wake up and wonder if I’m missing the point of the Race. If I’m doing it wrong. How do I KNOW if I’m growing? How can I track all this alleged change?
And then sometimes I wake up and it smacks me in the face.
At an unknown point during the past few weeks, I fell in love with my teammates: the other five slices of Geronima.
I’m not saying I didn’t like them before. Or that I didn’t love them, in a generic way.
But that’s the thing- it was my own capacity for love and came with limits.
Now I’m filled with this unfamiliar sensation of fondness for them. I care deeply about their well being. I want them to grow and thrive. I want to spend more time with them. It’s all squad month, so I haven’t spent every waking moment with them, but I miss them.
If one of them said something really mean to me right now, I would still hurt. I’d probably ache quite a bit because I do care so much for them. But I’d also still love them. And not on the condition that we complete some conflict resolution and make up. I think I’d love them regardless.
This isn’t the kind of love that originates from within my own selfish heart. If someone said really mean things to the old me, I’d walk away forever and feel justified. Now I have an eagerness to practice unconditional love.
This doesn’t address the micro-moments when we drive each other crazy (But Kelli, WHY did you spit water all over me!? I’m still confused…). I think those kinds of issues reflect our own heart-heartedness, not the person who annoys us. And we’re still human, even here in Eastern Europe. Sometimes we have off-days where we’re a bit ornery.
But because this is a more divine love than what I can conjure on my own, I know that it is steadfast. I know that the Lord will provide me with love for them when I run out. What a relief to know that someone with an endless well of love is filling me up.
So He gets the glory- the One who created love and supplies it abundantly. It might sound like I wrote a blog about me, but I’m pointing you to Him.
Romania has been really lovely- such a variety of ministry activities (kids&sports, street evangelism, community service). And now it’s time to depart for Africa. The nomad life continues…
