Month five in Cambodia was a bit fuzzy- I felt weighed down, spiritually. I was lethargic and distracted. I tried to write a blog about it, but never could put words very well to what happened. I’m still processing it, unsure of anything. Maybe I’ll never really know.
Enter month six- Bangkok, Thailand! I’m as surprised as you at how much I’m loving Bangkok. Teaching English in a structured environment to adults who really want to learn is pretty fun. This ministry includes Bible stories as part of the curriculum- a clever way to spread the gospel: draw them in with English courses, but weave in salvation!
The Lord has been teaching me about contentment. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, and in every minute and hour of every single day, there is a treasure to enjoy. Even the really hard/boring/long days include a sweet spot. I’m not always sure what kind of impact I’m making in people’s lives. I’m not always convinced that the method some ministries use to reach out is really that effective. I don’t always see the fruit of my labor. We don’t participate in the ministries that I thought we would. Some days I’m here more out of obedience than my own desire.
Regardless, this is where I’m supposed to be. I have direction and purpose within feeling useless.
For me to think that this time is wasted is prideful. I trust that the Lord has a beautiful, intricate plan that includes this work. Who am I to say my way is better? I’m simply a tiny thread in this endless tapestry.
Most days, I’m really good with that. It’s a relief- a lighter burden- to accept my role under His authority. I’m still free to be creative. There is no slavery in Christ. Only when my flesh lashes out, demanding (perceived) freedom, do I circle back to let pride and humility continue their battle.
So I wake up and ask for joy. I wake up every day with open palms asking the Lord to take out the unnecessary and fill me instead with what He has for me. Sometimes joy is quiet, and other days I’m giddy.
Maybe this is the blog about Cambodia. Maybe everything I’ve learned about contentment is in response to the blurriness called month five. I don’t know, and I’m okay with not knowing.
All I do know is that it’s been six months since I’ve had a cup of Starbucks coffee and now I’m making up for it as often as possible. Thank you Bangkok for believing in Starbucks.
