I didn’t want to be the leader. I still don’t.
It is Month 6 of the World Race. I’m now in Tamale, Ghana in Africa. Yes, still in Ghana. No Burkina Faso. That’s a blog for another time. These last two months have ushered in more than just a change of countries. I am no longer with team Hazaq. The beginning of Ghana brought the beginning of a lot of ‘new’.
Note: It is normal for the World Race to change up the teams after Month 4. This allows the opportunity to be with different people, experience more growth as you learn from this new team, and commence another chapter of the Race, (Team: the five or six other people with whom you live and do ministry month to month. Squad: the larger group of 57 traveling together. The squad is together on our many travel days and during all-squad months like Ecuador and now, Ghana.) With that, our whole squad finds themselves with new teammates and entering this next phase of life on the Race. But, for me and three others, this next phase looks a bit different.
Cue dramatic music.
All my life, I’ve found myself in leadership positions. Whether by choice or by being volun-told, I am often the leader. I’ve learned a great deal from these roles, regularly being humbled and refined through the flames. I’ve also walked more boldly into my giftings and passions through leadership positions and developed into who I am today.
When I applied for the World Race, I knew there were leadership positions available that certain people would be asked to fill. When I prayed about what the Race would look like for me, I also knew that God was NOT calling me to fill them.
I asked the Lord what he had in store for me this year. I felt him saying that this was a season where I would not be in a traditional leadership role. God’s charge for me was to learn how to support, encourage, pray for, and submit to another who would be placed over me. To tell you the truth, I was relieved. It excited me to serve behind the scenes, to lift up another, and simply follow. I began to pray that if I ever were to be noticed as a potential for leadership, that those above me would turn a blind eye to me. I trusted that this was God’s calling for me this season.
As the end of Month 4 rolled around, the squad knew team changes were coming near, and the chatter began. People started wondering who the new team leaders would be, who would be placed on their new team, and who the new Squad Leaders would be.
Note #2: Squad Leaders are people who have previously completed their own World Race, but have volunteered to come with our group of newbies for the first five months to mentor, encourage, support, and guide us. They stay with us until the end of Month 5 at which time they return to the U.S. and have completed their time on the mission field. Before they leave, they raise up people from the current squad, now four months seasoned, to take their place. These are people who are doing the World Race for the first time, but are equipped to take on the role of serving, supporting, encouraging, and guiding the squad for the rest of the Race to make sure everyone is moving as fully as possible toward what God has in store. These Raised up Squad Leaders will travel from team to team, spending a month with each one, serving them, encouraging them, and helping them be as effective as possible for the Kingdom of God.
While much of the squad was questioning and making predictions about who would take on all the new leadership roles, I wasn’t giving it much thought at all. I knew God’s call for me this year and was completely content in it. In fact, the only thought I gave to leadership was briefly returning to my prayer from before the Race…
God, I know your call for me this year. If any of the powers that be take notice of me as a potential leader, blind their eyes to me.
That was it. I never stressed over, questioned, or considered another option. I simply awaited the announcement of my next team and my next team leader who I was eager to support and uplift to lead us well.
Fast forward to our first week in Ghana. It’s the night before our leaders plan to announce the new teams. It’s 10:30pm and I’m heading to bed. One of the current Squad Leaders, Danae, approaches me and asks if we can speak. “Surely this isn’t about being a team leader,” I think to myself. “God isn’t calling me to that.” And I was right.
But not for the reasons I thought.
She begins to explain to me that the current leaders have seen me and through much prayer, feel I am called to be one of the Raised up Squad Leaders. Their decision is not just because they see my leadership skills, but because they see me, Megan, and believe God has been preparing me to serve our squad in this way.
Well, after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I started to process what I was being invited into. Having been certain this wouldn’t ever be a consideration, I had no idea what questions to ask. I stumbled through a few that came to mind, my head swimming. This later proved to be a blessing from the Lord; without knowing the questions to ask for my own understanding, I truly had to listen to only what the Lord wanted to say without any other background knowledge.
Danae was gracious and kind and she prayed for the decision ahead of me. “Take some time to pray about it and let me know your decision. But I do need an answer by 8:45am tomorrow morning.”
…Okay… 10 hours to process. No problem. Guess I’m not sleeping tonight!
Danae left and I began to seek the Lord. While I thought I knew the answer to this invitation, I wanted God to have a fair chance to speak into it before I shut it down. I will go wherever the Lord calls, regardless of my comfort, but I just wasn’t sure this was where he was calling. I needed to hear from him. I simply listened for a while and then I began to ask him questions and really wrestle through this decision with him.
Me: God, I thought I wasn’t meant to lead this year? Did I misunderstand you or did the leaders asking misunderstand?
God: You heard me correctly. Though, I never said it would be all year, I only said this season. Your first four months were the season I intended.
Me: Huh, okay that makes sense. But, God, what about MY race? This is going to change things. My primary ministry will now be shepherding the squad itself. I won’t ever be with the same team more than a month at a time. I’m not so sure I want to give up MY race.
God: My child, it has never been your race, it has always been my race. I will use it how I see fit. You’ve been asking me for more growth, for more of me. Well, here it is. Here is the ‘more’.
God then recalled to mind the phrase he has been using to shape me, challenge me, and encourage me since I committed to the Race.
I am not my own.
Simple. And yet, it changes everything.
Me: Wow, okay, you’re right, God. I belong to you. This is the furthest thing from what I expected, but if this is really your plan, I will follow wherever you lead. You know best, God, and so I will obey. Just please give me peace so I can be sure.
God proceeded to fill me with peace I could not explain and I knew it was his confirmation.
In and out of sleep, I continued to pray most of the night. The next morning at 8:45am I was the first one in the room, ready to give my answer.
Me to God: I’m surprising myself; I am saying yes. But I’m not saying yes to this role, to leadership, or even to this Squad who I love so dearly. I’m first saying yes to YOU, Lord, and no to my desires. I’m saying yes to being your servant in a new way, yes to growing in Christ-likeness in a new way, yes to using the gifts of your Spirit in a bigger way.
And from the moment I said yes, God began to flood my mind and heart with a passion for this role and for serving this Squad.
Here’s the thing though. I still don’t want to be the leader… And though I said yes, I’m not going to do it.
Cue cheesy infomercial. “But wait! There’s more.”
Read ‘Part 2: I still don’t.’ to hear the rest of the story.
