This blog is one of the
many that I need to catch up on. I wrote this in the prayer hut that we had set
up at K.I.M. for 24 hour prayer…
It’s now March 26. Wow.
For the first time I feel like I made a difference. That my showing up has
actually impacted the Kingdom. I’m so ashamed. Or maybe I’m just frustrated.
How come it took 26 days to get to this place? I was reading an entry in the
prayer journal about why You allow all this pain and suffering. I think in my
truest heart I ask the same thing. But I have heard why and to some points in
my life it made sense. But now I see the suffering that only missionaries talk
about and it’s different. But instead of asking why, I’ve just settled for the
answer “because”. And I think that has hardened my heart. I walk the roads with
malnourished people staring at me, their bath and sewer water lining the gutters.
And here I am. Numb. Cold. I’m unsure of what to do or how to be so I just turn
off my mind and do my duties. The only think I allow myself to think is, “it’s
just the way it is”. I absolutely hate that. I didn’t sign up for this thing
only to become apathetic. All I can think about right now is the story of
Lazarus’ death. Martha and Mary say to Jesus, after he had waited 2 days to
come to Lazarus, “Lord, if you would have been here, my brother would not have
died.” Why did Jesus wait those extra days when he knew he was very ill? When Jesus finally came, we realize 2 things.
1.Jesus’ humanity.
Jesus wept. Jesus hates
it. He knows it’s not the way it’s supposed to be. So, He weeps. He bawls. He
felt the pain and sorrow of this sinful, fallen world.
2. Jesus tells Mary
after He learns of Lazarus’ illness, “this illness does not lead to death. It
is for the glory of God, so that God may be glorified through it” (John 11:4).
We learn divinity.
Back to Christ’s
humanity. If Jesus were here today, in the Philippines, how would He react to
the state of the people I’m seeing? I would like to think that He would allow
Himself to be affected by the hurt and pain. I think He would weep. But then He
would do some crazy miracle to reveal the glory of God despite the pain. That’s
what He did with Lazarus.
The Jesus, deeply moved again,
came to the tomb…He said, “take away the stone.” Martha said to Jesus, “by this
time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you
would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted
up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that
you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around me,
that they may believe that you sent me.” When He said these things, he cried
out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who died came out, his hands
and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said
to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
Lord, the people of the
Philippines, Rizal, Cuatro need a miracle. I need a miracle. Forgive me for
taking the stance of Mary and Martha and their lack of faith. Instill in me
faith. And for now maybe a baby step into having faith that you hear me. I’m
sorry for thinking that you don’t. I WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS. Thanks for
conforming me into His image…what a privilege. Use me despite me. I pray these
things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
