Before I opened my eyes today…
Jackhammer pounds incessantly
Sirens scream,
reaching my eardrums 7 floors above the street
Teammates rustling around,
getting ready for the new day
Some foreign voices
of fellow hostel mates
My own thoughts: I
just want to sleep, I don’t feel like going to the student group, I want to be
lazy all day…
The pitter-patter of
the rain
The buzz of
electricity
Running water
This was all before I opened my eyes.
He brought me to the banqueting
house, and his banner over me was love.
Song of Solomon 2:4
I’m in the Western
World again. It makes me crave the days when I heard absolutely
nothing…except the voice of God. I remember stepping out of the schoolroom we slept in, in
Buginyanya, Uganda.
I could not see my hand
in front of my face.
but I was able to see the millions
of stars and God’s
breathtaking
creation.
I remember hearing my breath.
the movements of my body
as I walked.
I hated it then…the not
having the comforts
of the Western World part.
Lately, I’d
give anything to be in a place
where the only thing I hear is
my breathing in and out
my heart beat
the movement to the rhythms
of the sound of God
I’m scared. I haven’t heard God a ton lately. I’m
convinced that He’s speaking though.
I’m just choosing to get distracted by
the thoughts of the warm
water in the shower I’m about to have
the ridiculous, seemingly
constant jackhammer pounding outside
the thoughts and comments I make when the breaker is tripped and I don’t have electricity to blow dry my hair and I, heaven
forbid, have to go flip the switch myself to turn the
electricity on
the fears of going
home: debt. no job. Followed by a trip
to Spain to study
the group of people
getting ready to leave the hostel
the sad, angry hostel
attendant
I’m think, actually
I’m certain, God’s quietly
patiently standing right next to me waiting for me to slow down, stop complaining, and look at Him. And I’m scared because I’m about to go
home, where it’s noisier
and more comfortable…
The noise has me pretending
like He’s not in the room…
The thief comes only to steal
and kill and destroy.
John 10:10
Satan is bringing back lies that comfort is
what I want…
what I need.
He is using noise and it is making me forget what I’ve seen. What I’ve felt. What I know.
Right now, I’m so tempted
to want to live comfortable– in
everyway. My heart has been muffled
because it’s screaming,
“NO, MEGAN!! YOU WANT LIFE!
YOU WANT YOUR ABBA!�
Lord, have mercy on my. Forgive
me for choosing comfort over knowing, hearing, and seeing you. Give me wisdom
and discernment to know when Satan is using noise to distract me. God, and give
me the strength and boldness to follow you and forsake everything that binds me
to this world. I thank You that You call me Beloved and that Your desire for
me. Amen.
