Whirlwind. Yep, I think that’s a good description. Training
camp has been an experience like no other, to say the least. I’ve definitely
accomplished some things in my life that I’ve never done before. For instance,
I’ve taken the coldest shower of my lifetime. Showers are outside and this last
weekend I could see my breath almost constantly throughout the day. But God is
good and He brought the sunshine out later this week in order to thaw my bones.
I also was put in a situation where I was supposed to eat a meal with 11 other
girls with $10 between us. Honestly, the scene was picturesque: 12 girls in a
15 passenger van, jamming out to Tom Petty’s “Free Falling”, eating jelly
sandwiches, peanuts and corn chips. Maybe you just had to be there…
I’ve been spiritually awakened, too, for a lack of better
words. I’ve started a process of true
freedom and deliverance. It’s been an interesting journey thus far. I find
myself being filled with peace, and then two minuets later, I start to panic
and become frustrated. I came to training camp so very thirsty and hungry for
God to move. I’m not doubting that He hasn’t moved, but I think He’s doing it in
His own way and in His own time. That’s been a reoccurring theme/word spoken
over me, that His ways are not our ways. I have come to realize that in these
situations, I then go into performance mode and try to endure. Isn’t it funny the things we try to do? I know in
my head I can’t do it, only He can. Oh, but I try anyway, which only leads to
more frustration. Essentially, this week I’ve been frustrated with myself and
with God. I’ve been frustrated that I can’t seem to get a grip or get it
together. I’ve been frustrated that His ways aren’t a little more like my ways
and that His timing isn’t a little more like mine. I’ve been frustrated that He
hasn’t just completely annihilated me and my selfish, whinny pride.
The life and truth that has been breathed into me, however,
is what is keeping me afloat. I’m chosen by Him. God has given me a spirit of
power, not of timidity. I’m a gate crusher and the gates of hell will not
prevail. He has and will empower me to live out His will and bring health and
love to His children all across the globe. He will uphold me with His righteous
right hand. He has also reminded me that He is bigger than me and He’ll move
despite me. Praise Jesus!
