2Part Blog: The Choice

So, I have this dam around me. A dam I erected all by
myself. For whatever reason I decided God wasn’t speaking to me. I prevented
any life-giving water form getting to me because of stubborn resistance. On the
bus ride, Kyla said that the only way to change is to make the choice to walk in the exact opposite direction.

Pardon the slight rabbit trail but this has a point…I’ve
realized that sometimes I have ‘leadings’ to do things. For example, at our
debrief I felt lead to tell Rob, the director of El Rancho, just how much me
has impacted the World Race teams as well as myself. I knew I was going to cry
and I honestly didn’t want to do that but I knew it was necessary, whether I
wanted to or not. Also, I felt lead to tell a staff member, Gavin, some
encouraging words. Again, I didn’t want to because I felt inadequate, but I
knew it was necessary, so I did it. In the end, I’m not responsible for how Rob
and Gavin were going to receive and react to what I had to say…I am responsible
for obeying the leading.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, this is kinda comical.
I felt lead (or heard from God…specific to me, ah ha!) and I obeyed. So what’s my
problem? My problem is that I was doing these things without believing that God was capable of doing what he was doing. I
wouldn’t let the blessing of God speaking to me penetrate my heart and soul. I
was too caught up in a lie that said God “wasn’t possibly talking to me.”

           

            “If
grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking…”