December 23, 2011
The Key & My Self Delusional Prison
Upon arriving at SHE ministry in Phuket, Thailand I knew that the environment of the bar life ministry would not be the easiest thing due to some of my past. It would be easier because of my self control & my truth of walking in the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of truth and life. Knowing the woman that God has created me to be. I could embrace this…no problem. I know who I am, I am a woman of God. I can go in there in the midst of this spiritual warfare and tell these woman their true worth. They are VALUED. They are LOVED. They are PRECIOUS. They are WORTHY. They are BEAUTIFUL. They deserve MORE. Giving them a glimpse of the Father’s heart for them.
Last night we arrived on Bangla, road where literally hundreds upon hundreds of bars line up side streets. Where the struggle with identity is so tangible in the air. There are so many men who are pretending to be woman. Girls dancing around with very little clothes. People from all nations walk the streets of this playground of demons. Flirtatious smiles and laughter haunt the air. Men, mostly western & european men walk around this place where hell breaks loose on earth. Looking for one night with a Thai woman. Looking for one night of superficial satisfaction. Some just there to enjoy the barlife near the beautiful beach, but others with intentions of which they don’t show shame towards.
Then I remind myself of the truth. This is all a blanket. A cover. A mask. They don’t know. The voice of Jesus sings out: “ Forgive them Father, For They Know Not What They Do” it beats in my heart. The blood of Christ lives in me. It is a part of me. I have Jesus in my viens. I am a DAUGHTER. As we walk Bangla Road & the side roads I see us all as lamp-posts, and as eyes of the Father gazing around. Ringing truth in places where darkness lurks into all hours of the night. You can’t cover a light. You have to put it out on these streets where people can see it. So we walk with the fire ablazing… setting lights as we go. Some lights so bright that others can’t look at or go near them.
Worship tonight at the SHE house, God met me where I was & spoke to the depths of my heart. My creator knows me. He knows every detail. I can’t hide from my Father. Even when I am hiding in my own prison he comes to turn the key and releases the bars. FREEDOM we shout off the balcony here in a predominatly buddhist nation, who has know clue to the realms that Freedom calls out. Freedom is screaming here. It wants to embrace these people & this nation. So much so that I found new Freedom here tonight. Every so often I have dark glimpses and flashbacks of who I used to be. Of memories I try to supress. I know the truth of being forgiven by God. I know the Father forgave & forgives my fallen past. There was one thing that so clearly hit my spirit tonight as the presence of God filled the air during our worship. The reason I keep having these flashbacks is because I need to forgive myself. I have been living in a prison of self-regret of things that are already forgiven. It’s all an illusion. I need to release. I need to turn the key to the prison gates and open them up. So that hell can’t go near them. So that I can freely walk in the new creation Christ has declared that I already am.
SHE is devoted to Self, Help & Empowerment. The vision of their ministry is reflecting in what the Lord is working in my heart. I have realized I need to declare truths of who I am to be able to declare truth over these broken women in the bars.
So declare I will: Free, Loved, Chosen, Forgiven, Beautiful, The Father’s Delight, I am the Treasure he’s found, I am capable, I have a Voice, Redeemed, Healed, The Sunshine this world needs, a reflection of his Son, Pieces of the Father’s heart, Hope, Truth, More than Conquerer through Him who Loves Me, I am not a mistake but I am ordained and annointed for where I am, Called, Woman of God, Daughter of a King, Co-Heir of the Kingdom, Joyful, a Peace-bringer, A Chain Breaker, A Bearer of the Truth.
So as Christmas approaches, I have recieved a great gift that I am embracing. Not such an easy thing. When I am reminded that love already won on the cross. The battle is already won…. I can forgive myself. I do forgive myself. This is not easy but God has given me another key. The key to see past what these woman are on the outside & who He sees them as. There is a new creation awaiting. That glimpse of hope I will bring & I will bear. Father use my story for your glory.
