Heavenly Father,
WOW, where else do I start other than by saying, GOD, YOU ARE AMAZING! Even though I'm fairly fresh in my faith, and I know I have sooo incredibly far still to go, You have moved me in a way that can never be forgotten or reversed. If You can transform me THIS MUCH, as You have SO gracefully, in just 1 YEAR and 3 months, I am SO INDESCRIBABLY STOKED to spend THE REST OF MY LIFE growing DEEPER INTO YOU!! To EXPERIENCE You in new and exciting ways and be continually be transformed!!!! I will forever drink from You, the fountain of Life. And I know that my thirst can only be QUENCHED; I can only become FULL; I can ONLY be SATISFIED, through Your Blessed Son JESUS CHRIST.
You have enabled me to do things that I NEVER thought I could do. You've made the impossible, POSSIBLE. The ways that You are working in my life are so encouraging. I've never before experienced an unconditional LOVE LIKE THIS. Even when I have failed. Even when, time and time again, You've watched me make the same mistakes, YOU NEVER GIVE UP ON ME. Even when I feel like I don't deserve to be Your child, when I'm disgraced with my disobedience, and feel unworthy of Your love, You give me something to hold on to. You give me HOPE, that I CAN be the person that You have created me to be.
When I first watched the video about the World Race, my soul rejoiced, as it embraced the recognition of one of its' purposes in life being fulfilled through this Race.
But right away I started doubting my capability to evangelize, and preach and be Your disciple. Even though, Jesus, You are the thing I am most passionate about in life, and I could talk about You for every single second for the rest of my life, and not be bored for even a moment, I immediately questioned my ability to affectively talk about You with others.
That has been my fear about going on this Race. That I'm not a good enough example. That I don't know enough. That I'm not worthy enough. That maybe, I don't have enough experience with You, to even be a light, and a representative of You to other people. And maybe that was the devil talking. But a quote I read awhile ago just came to me today, after yet another amazing opportunity last night, "You don't choose the equipped, You equip the chosen." And You have CHOSEN ME, and BLESSED ME, with a unique gift of sharing my passion for You. I may not be "ready," but I may never be completely "ready." So I have to just JUMP IN and go ALL IN! I will always be learning. Every thought, every prayer, every moment, every experience, every interaction, is an opportunity to grow spiritually. Everybody has their own unique gifts and talents which You have bestowed.
"There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the sameSpirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills." (1 Corinthians 12:4-11)
Maybe my initial doubt was an unhealthy desire to do things perfectly. Maybe I was holding myself back from going all in, because I was afraid of failing. As author Warren Wiersbe said, "Denying that we can accomplish God's work is not humility; it is the worst kind of pride. If you are waiting until you become better, brighter, or more ready, you are probably relying on yourself more than God."
The apostle Paul knew that following Christ's call in his life would sometimes be a messy process. As he wrote, "Not that I…have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me" (Philippians 3:12)
I have faith that God will equip me with everything I need on this journey, and that the opportunity to become reliant upon Him will prove to be fruitful. He wouldn't put me in this situation if it wasn't for my own best interest. So all those doubts and fears, well, they can just get lost! because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
His strength and power are made perfect in my weakness. I don't want to rely on myself or my own understanding, I want ONLY to RELY ON HIM. Though I have not been made perfect, His in-dwelling Spirit in me is constantly transforming me to be more like Christ.
{ I remember in the beginning, being afraid of people's judgements if they found out I was a Christian. So I disguised my excitement about Jesus to practically everyone, especially the demeaning and condescending people at my work. And I also remember the man who introduced me to Jesus (in fact a man I work with), saying to me that God would give me the strength to be comfortable sharing my faith in time, when I was ready. And as my Spirit matured in the Lord, I remember just a couple months later being more open about it, and more open about it, until I reached the point where I didn't care if people judged me. I didn't care what anybody thought! I wanted to scream it from the rooftop and let the whole world know "JESUS IS MY SAVIOUR!!!!" And I started talking about You with everyone, (I mean C'MON, how could I NOT talk about You!!) including people at work. I couldn't suppress the passionate burning flame inside of my heart for You any longer.
As of recent, I found out through the grapevine that it has been circulating around work that I've been talking about God. And so some people addressed my fellow worker, brother in Christ, and mentor, who is very open about his faith, asking, "Did you convert her?" And he just answered with a smile, "I can't convert anybody." And I smiled when I heard that, because in that moment I remembered how scared and almost embarrassed I once was, for people to know of my new found faith, and I realized how far God has brought me. In a matter of months, the Lord had me confidently walking, and boldly speaking the Truth, with everybody I encountered. And He's just kept evolving me from there. }
I love the way You reveal me to myself through my relation to other people. THANK YOU GOD because through these relationships and interactions, I come closer to the fulfillment of Your destiny for me.
I have to thank You, with all my heart, for the opportunities You have given me to talk about You lately, specifically with friends who are searching for the missing piece in their lives, that is Jesus. First of all, Thank You Lord that my friends felt comfortable enough to confide in me the burdens on their hearts! Thank You for their curiosity and the WILLINGNESS of their hearts God! Thank You for the work You are doing in them, and their desire to make a Higher Choice. I see their Souls' desire to find their home with You, our Heavenly Father, and I pray that You would move their hearts in an undeniable way. I pray that they would find solace in You. For only You can move the hearts of men. The planter and waterer of the seed are nothing. Thank You that You have drawn these friends back into my life, so that they may be saved as I was, and that I may be a light leading them to You. Thank You that You have allowed me to talk to them about You. The conversations that I've had with my friends as of late have not only been an amazing opportunity to share the remarkable story that You've given me, and plant seeds in people I dearly care about, but I've learned about myself in the process. I've become aware of gift that I didn't know I had. Not to claim it as my own for I am only able to do these things through the Holy Spirit which You have placed in me. To You the glory God! But You have blessed me with a unique gift, a special connection with people, that I'm not really sure what to call…I'll just use discipleship for now.
I know I love people, and I think You've made me someone who makes people feel secure and comfortable to be themselves. Someone who people feel they can be trust with their deepest thoughts and secrets. Someone who listens. Someone who cares. Someone whose advice and insight is respected and cherished by friends. A disciple of the doctrine and a breathing example of Your lovingkindness and mercy (I hope!). Also, because of my self-destructive past and Your perfect timing to enter into my life, I feel like I can relate to people who are lost and searching for purpose, because I was once there, and I can share with them the hope to be found in Jesus.
I hope to glorify God in all I do and that my love towards others would be an example of the love that Jesus has shown me. Jesus said "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35) Every time we are choosing to love someone in an unloving world, we are making ourselves known as followers of Christ.
But please God, correct me if I'm wrong. I am not by any means trying to boast in myself, for I only want to boast in You. Nor am I saying that I have reached my maximum potential. I have so much more to learn, and so many more ways to grow. I will never reach a point where I don't have to learn or grow anymore! This is more of a journal and a venting of a recent self-discovery that I've had through You, of who You have made me to be. It's an awareness and recognition of these interactions with co-workes, parents, strangers, acquintances and friends alike, that this is You preparing me now, for the World Race. When I engage in conversations about You, I feel overcome with joy and I just get this strong sense that THIS IS what I am SUPPOSE TO BE DOING! It's a contentment, yet an excitement. You have chosen me, as a disciple of Jesus Christ, to go out into the world and be a channel of Your overflowing love to others. And though I may not be fully equipped right now, you are in the process of equipping me, and I know You will follow through with what You have started. I have to be faithful to the work You are calling me to do, and lovingly invite others into the journey. And I trust that You've chosen the World Race for me, because You know that this is going to allow me to spiritually grow so much more than if I stayed in Vancouver. I'm not going to assume anything, but I do know that You know what is best for me. Therefore, I am so confident that this IS the next step in my life. That I AM fulfilling YOUR PLAN FOR ME. And I feel so unbelievably blessed that I get to be Your advocate, for life! The fact that I get to talk about what I am most passionate about and draw people around the world to You and serve You and Your people, makes me SOOO HAPPY, honestly, it's such a privilege!
"As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." (1 Peter 4:10-12)
As I am coming to understand; as You are revealing to me in perfect timing, my role in Your Kingdom, I trust in Your plan for me. And no matter what the challenges and obstacles I'm going to face, no matter what the unknowns of the future are, I don't have to be afraid. If I doubt myself, then I'm doubting Your ability to work in and through me. I'd rather regret the things I did do, than the things I didn't. If I don't do something because of fear, then I am missing out on a beautiful opportunity to grow. For difficulties and obstacles develop strength and character. A part of growing requires stepping out of your comfort zone. So I shall step forth, surrendering my doubt and fear to You. I believe that if I step out boldly in Your Name, You WILL do the rest. I trust with all my heart and soul and mind that You will provide me with everything I need, to do what You have called me to do.
"He who descended is the One who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill all things. And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." (Ephesians 4:10-12)
One more thing that is very important as I have been mainly talking about myself: I wouldn't have been able to get where I am today, nor will I be able to get where I am going in the future, without the church and my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I cannot be the body all on my own. We need each other, and it is together that we form the body of Christ.
Thank You God, that You bring Your people together, all with our own unique giftings, to be a complete body; to build each other up, and fill all the gaps. Thank You for placing more mature Spirits in my life, who have been such inspiring examples to me of what living in Christ can look like.
"For as the body is one and has many members, but all the member of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body-whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free-and have all been made to drink into one Spirit. For in fact the body is not one member but many…God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? But now indeed there are many members yet one body…if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it."
(1 Corinthians 12:12-26)
I live to worship You.
-Meg
